✦ CRASH !

✦ chris

.

and there it was. those precious 4 years of my life.. they were over. just like that. if i'm being honest, high school was.. okay. not outstanding, not terrible, just.. okay. definitely not the fantasy troy & gabriella painted my eyes with at 7 years old. i feel content with things ending the way they did. i graduated with decent grades (Bs & Cs) and i had friends....

friends...

friends..

friends.

did i have those?

"hey chris, we did it!!" i got tackled to the ground in the midst of my self-reflection by none other than my very infamous classmate, dion. "i'm so proud of us, bro!" he looked at me teary-eyed. this is the same boy who pantsed me when we were both freshmen because he felt like it. the same boy who hurled insults at me in the locker room whenever i ran just an inch faster than him in P.E. because he felt like it. the same boy who kissed me in the boys bathroom at prom, then proceeded to give me the absolute best head i've ever received because.. well.. he felt like it.

i returned his embrace ten fold with a bear hug. as i felt one of his salt-filled tears hit the shoulder of my gown, i held him closer. i don't know what kind of relationship me and dion have had over these 4 years, but i do know one thing. what happened at prom stirred up a lot of confusion within me and i had to talk to him about it.

and i knew exactly how & when.

"i'm proud of us too." i ran my hand through his soft locks of hair as we made eye contact. "you throwing one of your famous parties tonight?" i asked him, my million dollar smile flashing through the sentence. "hell yeah i am! come straight there after you finish at home?" he said, as we both got up from his tackle. "please?" that addition made me feel things i should not be feeling at this time of day. "yeah, of course! i'll call you when i'm on my way." i paired my sentence with a firm squeeze of his shoulder and nodded before we walked our separate ways toward our families.


"my son!" my dad said, as he cupped my face between his hands. "you did good." "thank you so much, dad. i love you." i hugged him like he was gonna get thanos snapped the next second. i loved my dad a LOT. he's been there for me through quite literally everything. and sadly.. he was the only family i had. "i wish i wasn't the only one here." he said to me, a tear running down his cheek. i rubbed it. "don't worry about it, dad. i've gotten used to it. come on, let's go home and celebrate."

we walked out of the auditorium, but not without me looking back at dion & his family. this party he's gonna throw tonight is gonna be.. interesting to say the least. "so how would you like to celebrate tonight, chris?" dad asked me, throwing his arm around my shoulder. i gave him the look. "maria's." as soon as i said that, both of our smiles grew as wide as the golden gate. "okay, let's go then."

✦

"so.. boyfriend?" dad asked me, almost making me spill out my lemonade. "DAD!" i shouted, getting everyone's attention in the restaurant. "you okay?" maria came over to check on us. maria was like the big sister i never had. she's also been there for me through a LOT of shit. "yeah, yeah. i'm good." i said, smiling at her. "it's just dad trying to give me a heart attack over here."

"i only asked cuz i saw the way you hugged dion after the ceremony." he said, taking another sip of his root beer. "you guys would be cute together. rivals to lovers, you know?" "that's the thing, dad. i don't know.. WHAT we are. it's honestly really fucking confusing, especially considering the fact that i'm going away to college soon." i sighed and dipped my taco in the consume. "well, do you want to be something with him?" maria asked genuinely, putting her hand on my back. "i dunno. i just know i need to talk to him about it." i bit into my taco, the flavor slowing down the sports car of thoughts in my mind. "he's throwing a party tonight. my plan is to get him alone while it's happening and talk to him then." dad nodded, then added: "be careful or you might end up doing more than talking."

"DAD!"

"ALE!"


"sorry, sorry. i can't help it." he said, laughing like he was innocent. "we going home after this, mijo?" "yeah. party's gonna start soon. we should head back." i leaned over to give maria a hug. "thank you for the food as always, maria. love you." "love you too. good luck tonight! if it doesn't go well, i got 2 pints of blueberry cheesecake and ugly betty ready to go. just say the word." we both laughed after that, as dad just sat there clueless. "okay, thank you."

✦

dad & i walked home from the restaurant and like it was scripted, as soon as i got into my room i got a text from dion.

dion !!
u otw ??

me
yeah, i'll be omw soon
just got home from birria tacos w my dad 😋 i'm boutta change now tho

dion !!
maria's spot?

me
yessirrrr

dion !!
brooo u should take me there before we leave for college
i've been craving her food so bad

me
then why dont u just stop by ? i'm not that far

dion !!
wait hold on, some ppl are ringing the doorbell
call me when u get here
byeeeeee

me
okay bye dion :)


"did he just dodge my question?"

✦

i parked in front of dion's house and sighed. i was tempted to smack my head on the steering wheel in frustration, but that would make the car horn go off and cause a nuisance so i decided against it. instead, i took my phone out and called dion. it rung for a bit and then he picked up. "chriiiiiis, come in through the back! we all out here!" dion said, slurring through his words a bit. "you're such a lightweight." i said, laughing at him a bit. even though i'm upset at him right now, i couldn't help it. "be right there." i hung up and got out of the car, locking it behind me.

i walked towards the backyard and.. dion didn't lie. there were at least 70-80 people outside dancing and drinking. i felt out of place & in my element at the same time. "chriiiis!" dion tackled me to the grass, making me land on my back. "oh chris, i'm so sorry." he started spilling apologies at me as he helped me up. "it's okay bro. i honestly forgot how much of a lightweight you are." i said, nudging him in his shoulder as he gave me a death stare. "shut up & come play beer pong with me!" he said, dragging me to the ping pong table.

after we played about 5 rounds of beer pong, i could definitely say i was drunk. next thing i knew, dion was dragging me to his bedroom.. which was surprisingly vacant considering how packed this party was. "want me to do what i did to you on prom night?" he said, a smirk forming on his lips.

now was the time.

"yeaaaaa.. about that, dion. can we talk?" i said, sitting down on his bed.

"we're talking right now."

"don't play dumb with me."

"chris, i just.. i just want to have some dumb fun, okay? is that too much to ask for?"

"well, when your dumb fun gives me a second sexual awakening then yes. dion, i think i like you. and i don't want to do this if you're just gonna play with my feelings."

"play with your feelings? how have i played with your feelings?"

"i asked you why you never come over to go to maria's and you told me people were ringing the doorbell. then you ended the conversation hella quick, is that not sus?"

"i was telling the truth."

"your party didn't start til 8, and you texted me at 6:30."

"oh."

"yeah."

"i'm sorry."

"dion. you're the first boy i've ever felt this way about. and i don't think you understand how scary this is for me."

"scary? SCARY? you wanna talk about fear?"

"yes, i wanna talk about fear."

"chris, i'm not out to my parents yet. i'm not out to anyone. shit, i'm barely out to myself. you're not the only one who felt something that night & i know fear JUST as much as you do. but right now, i just wanna swallow all of that and just do it with no strings attached."

"and where does that get us, huh? when i come back to visit from school, are we still gonna be doing this? dion, i wanna be more than a casual hookup to you."

"YOU ARE!" he said to me. it was the loudest i ever heard him get. "you are, chris. you always have been."

"then treat me like i am. i wanna give this a chance but i can't if you don't let me in."

there was a long silence between us after i said that. and then..

"i can't. sorry chris."

he walked out and left me there, surrounded by more than enough things to remind me of him.