Blurring the Lines

Worth It For Once

Lauren must have fallen asleep for a short while in the end, because her eyes snapped open at a loud peal of laughter. Her friends were up, going about their day like she was expected to after a life altering kiss that couldn't be allowed to change anything.

Knowing she had to get out of bed before she was dragged out, she moved through the motions of getting ready slowly, with no idea what she was going to do when she had to face Joey.

"There you are, sleeping beauty," Julia said, when she finally joined the group.

In the corner of her eye she caught Joey's head shooting up, a soft smile on his face, and she quickly cast her eyes down. If she looked at him she might cry, and that would cause a whole lot of questions she didn't want to answer. She mumbled something about not sleeping well and sat down as far as she could from Joey.

"You're right on time though, we're five minutes away from our next stop."

Thank god. Five minutes was not enough time for Joey to talk to her about last night.

She managed to keep avoiding him all day, right up until she ran back to the bus as they left for dinner because she forgot her sunglasses. As she stepped off, the person slouched against the side of the bus stood up.

"Hey," he smiled. "I've been trying to catch you all day."

"It's been crazy, right?" she said, like she hadn't been ducking away and hiding in bathroom stalls, asking Julia a bunch of nonsense questions and offering to run errands.

"I'm glad we've got a minute to talk now." His smile grew wider as his hand reached towards her, and guilt clogged her arteries.

He was there with his heart open. A heart that deserved more than she could give him right now. It was so easy to forget they had lives outside of tour where they lived across the country from each other. Especially easy to forget when his mouth was on hers making her feel like she was the only thing that mattered was him. But protecting herself mattered more.

"I'm really sorry," she blurted.

His smile faded slightly, his hand dropping to his side. "You are?"

"I shouldn't have kissed you. I was feeling vulnerable and I turned to you because you're my best friend, but I could have ruined that. I was selfish." It took great effort to keep her voice steady, but she knew Joey would show concern at any sign of weakness, and she would crumble.

He blinked a few times. "So you're saying you regret it?"

"I regret putting our friendship at risk and I regret hurting you." Was it possible to regret the kiss itself? A kiss that perfect? She wasn't sure. "I'm sorry."

He swallowed. "Forgiven."

She tugged her hair over her shoulder, twisting the ends around her fingers. "Are you sure?"

"Of course. It's not like we haven't kissed before."

She laughed weakly. The kiss that was the root of this whole problem. But it can't have affected him as much as her, clearly. She needed to put this whole thing behind her; if he was managing it, she could too.

"Are you ready to head to dinner?" he asked, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Yeah," she said.

Half the group were already sat at a table when they caught up to them in the restaurant, but Lauren still managed to manoeuvre to a seat far from Joey.

Appetite nonexistent for once, she picked at her meal. Across the table, Brian and Meredith kissed, and Lauren looked away. That could have been her and Joey, in a world where she wasn't so scared, in a world where she hadn't had to build her walls up so high. She wanted to believe that Joey wouldn't hurt her. He'd never done anything to make her think he was capable of it. But she would be risking too much to take that chance.