Jiwoong couldn't tear his gaze away from Ricky as they went live. His eyes were trained, attentively watching Ricky's every reaction, every smile, and every laugh. He watched with great care, making sure not to let anyone realize that, or the turmoil of emotions he was going through.
The Chinese was sitting beside Gyuvin, and their connection was palpable. They interacted effortlessly, their laughter and easy affinity causing Jiwoong's heart to ache. Ricky smiled sincerely and laughed wholeheartedly, and it was bittersweet; the boy's happiness made him happy, but the realization that someone else was the reason for that happiness stung like a fresh wound. On top of that, seeing them being all touchy and joking about being boyfriends broke his heart. It felt as though his world was crumbling, and he couldn't do anything about it.
Jiwoong had his chance, and he screwed up. Yes, he was slowly trying to show Ricky he cared, but he was perhaps too slow. And, as he tried to give the blonde boy the space he wanted, someone else seemed to have filled said space.
Later, on the way back to the dorms, Jiwoong found himself alone with Gyuvin in the back of the van. The other members were either asleep or lost in their world with earphones on. The oldest decided to break the silence. "So... Congrats. I'm happy for you and Ricky," he said, looking down, unable to hide a slight trace of bitterness in his voice. "Please, be sure to make him the happiest, always."
Gyuvin looked at Jiwoong, confusion flickering in his eyes. But as their gazes met, he saw the hurt in the older's eyes and immediately understood the reason. "Hyung... we're not dating, we're just joking around! We're good friends, nothing more. Actually, I..." Gyuvin's voice trailed off, and he looked down, shoulders slightly dropping. "I have feelings for someone else. But I can't make it obvious..." He glanced in the direction of a certain member, who was deep asleep, head resting on Zhang Hao's shoulder.
That information brought a sense of relief to Jiwoong, who could finally breathe freely, and he followed Gyuvin's gaze. "...because of his age?" Jiwoong guessed, his voice gentle, recognizing the complicated dynamics at play.
Gyuvin nodded in agreement, his expression a mix of longing and apprehension. "Yeah, that too... Also, I don't want him to feel like he has to be with me, or when we get older he might resent me because he felt as if he had no choice... That is, if he even likes me like that."
Jiwoong remained silent for a moment, taking in the depth of Gyuvin's emotions and the maturity of his decision. After a moment, he spoke, his tone softening. "You really care about him, don't you?"
Gyuvin managed a weak, bittersweet smile and took a deep breath. "Yeah, I do... I really love him, hyung."
With that recognition, both of them fell into a thoughtful silence. Their eyes remained fixed on the peacefully sleeping Han Yujin, oblivious to the emotional conversation happening behind him. After a while, Gyuvin shook his head, as if waking up from a trance, and looked back at Jiwoong, resuming their previous conversation. "Anyway, Ricky and I... We're just good friends, close enough to joke about dating. He cares a lot about you, hyung. He's trying hard not to, because of Matthew and all, but..."
"There's no Matthew!" Jiwoong cut him off, frustration evident in his voice. "He's just my little brother. I told Ricky that already."
"He's... afraid of getting hurt. And have you considered the possibility of Matthew having feelings for you?"
"What? No! He doesn't!" He looked at the seat where the Canadian sat. "He doesn't... Right?"
Gyuvin's response was a simple shrug, leaving Jiwoong with more questions than answers, and a growing sense of unease.
