My newfound home (discontinued)

Somethings not right

!!TW!! - anxiety, derealisation, ed

RILEY'S POV

Leah walks down to the meeting room as I slowly trail behind letting her lead the way.

"I'll give you a tour later when we have some free time if you'd like" I hear Leah speak up breaking the silence. If I was to be honest I'd rather not get a tour by Leah I can find my own way around. I'll get used to it eventually.

"Yeah, that would be good," I muttered. I felt bad if I declined her offer. I knew she was only trying to help me settle in but I don't want help. I hate all the attention I'm receiving as the

'New 16 year old signing'. Just because I'm young that doesn't mean I can't function by myself.

Me and Leah walk into the meeting room to see that we're the last ones to arrive. We walk to the back and find 2 spare seats. I sat between Leah and Keira Walsh.

"Nice of you to join us Leah" Keira whispers across me to Leah. My anxiety rises knowing I was most likely the reason Leah was late.

It wasn't long before I found myself picking at my fingers while my leg jittered up and down. Sarina starts to talk to the team but I find myself zoning out, finding it hard to concentrate and listen as my thoughts take over.

My surroundings start to appear out of their usual shape, they are blurry and colourless. I feel lifeless like I'm almost outside of my body, it feels like the world isn't real. I hate this feeling. It comes and goes every now and then and of course it comes at the worst time possible.

I need to get myself out of this state before anyone realises. I slowly feel myself coming back, gaining my senses back. I'm met by Esme crouched down in front of me as well as Leah, Lucy, Keira, Georgia, Ella and Alessia all standing around me with worried looks on their faces. Fuck.

I shift my gaze down to my hands that are clenched up in a ball resting in my lap. I had picked at my nails too much causing them to bleed running all down my hands. I unclench my fists to find my long nails had drawn blood on my palms from clenching them too hard.

I was snapped out of my thoughts by someone putting their hands on my shoulders. I look up, being met with Leah staring straight down at me. I feel someone's hand gently rub against my knee. I already knew who it was, I was too familiar with their touch.

"Riles you scared us for a second there, what happened?" Esme asks in a sweet, caring tone. I wasn't going to tell Esme what happened, especially now that there were 6 of my other teammates standing around me clearly worried about what they had just witnessed.

"I-I don't know" I croak out. I could feel panic arise in me, getting overwhelmed by the amount of people in the room. I wouldn't embarrass myself even more by having a panic attack in front of them all. I had to escape.

"Talk to me tells what's wron-" Before Esme could finish her sentence I stand up from chair pushing past everyone sprinting out of the room. I could hear Esme and Leah calling my name but I ignored them and kept running.

After running far enough away so I'm out of sight of all the girls I stop, bending over trying to catch my breath. I find myself sitting down on the benches next to one of the 3G pitches. I sat there lost in thought until I felt my phone buzzing in my pocket. I reached in and grabbed it, seeing Esme ringing me. I ignore her call and place my phone down on the bench running over to a random ball that's left in the corner of the pitch.

I practise my juggling managing to get to 63 a new personal best. I attempted a few shots on goal but couldn't get it right as I wasn't in the right shoes. I decided it's best to go back inside now before Esme starts to worry too much.