A Year of Winter

sixteen

 January 19th, 2013

When I found her, she was battling the cold underneath a woolen blanket, shivering, tucked away way up high in her tree house. 

Once I’d climbed up the seemingly never-ending ladder that shot upwards into the sky, I grew more and more tired, but never any less determined to keep moving forwards.

I reached the top after a while, and when I did, I could finally see her; pushed away in a corner underneath the blanket, curled up, her eyes closed and her hair tussled, like a halo around her head. Her eyes were closed, and black eye makeup was smudged across her cheeks, her lips stained red from her lipstick.

Quietly, faint melody played in the background, and I was confused; that is, until I saw the headphones snaking up to her ears, an old iPod resting beside her.

I wondered for a long time if she was asleep, and if she was, if I should wake her. I climbed inside, getting cold just from looking at her. I wondered if she’d been up here all week like this, with just that flimsy blanket to keep her warm. Nevertheless, I approached her, reaching out to brush her skin with my fingertips—she felt frozen, like an icicle. Faltering backwards, staring at her with mixed shock and fright, I was startled and unsure how to react. Did I wake her up? What if she was mad at me, for some reason?

What if she really didn’t want to be found?

Apprehensive about all the thousands of scenarios that were bound to haunt me for the rest of the day, I tried to take a deep breath, not wanting to concern myself even more with all the trivial bits of the bigger picture. 

Studying her again, I frowned, feeling the cold against my skin simply from looking at her. I wondered how long she’d been bearing the cold all on her own. Feeling like it was an obligation, I quickly slipped off my own coat, hanging it over her, hopeful that it might stop her from shivering.

As I tucked the last piece of the coat between the wall of the tree house and her back so that it would not fall as she leaned against it, a quick snippet of the melody that played on her iPod caught my ear. I listened quietly for a second, before I tentatively took one of the ear buds, holding it closer. I then picked up the device, checking on the screen what song it was as each note played in the background of my mind, like the threads of nostalgia weaving their way back into me.

There’s a saying old, says that love is blind

Still we’re often told “seek and ye shall find”

So I’m going to sing a certain line I’ve had in mind

My mouth fell slightly ajar as the remembrance of that night flooded into me again, like a dam that’d just been broken. I slowly set the iPod down, adjusting the ear bud so that it stayed put in my ear and tried to get comfortable. Leaning up against the wooden walls of the rickety old tree house, I was pretty sure that it was just about as worn out as the both of us.

I listened to Winter’s soft breathing against the wind, serving as the harmony for the music that made me want to sway back and forth in the foreground. I looked at her then, wondering how someone so special could think that they were so insignificant.

Looking everywhere, haven’t found him yet

He’s the big affair I cannot forget

Only man I ever think of with regret

I’d like to add his initials to my monogram

Tell me where is the shepherd for this lost lamb?

I licked my now chapped lips, wondering how long it might take Winter to wake up, though not quite caring. It was most important to me that she was found, and that she’d stay that way.