I Hate My Match (Kellin Quinn Fanfic) UNDER CONSTRUCTION

Breathe, Ri! Breathe!

I got back from Falling In Reverse's place right as it was starting to get dark. As soon as I entered the house, I saw Kellin sitting on the couch with his head in his hands while painfully listening to Rachel's babbling. I stifled a laugh and put a blank expression on my face.

I entered the living room, purposely making a little too much noise so that Kellin would look up and notice me. As soon as Rachel bothered to look up at me, she gasped over dramatically and covered her mouth with her hand.

"What happened to your hair?" she asked with wide eyes.

"What do you think happened to it?" I responded and pursed my lips at her stupid reaction.

"Nice choice of color. At least now you don't look like Avatar threw up on you," Kellin smirked at me. He winked after he made sure Rachel couldn't see him which made me want to smile. I suppressed it since I didn't want to raise any questions as to why I was suddenly grinning like an idiot.

It was quite exhausting and irritating sometimes; keeping up appearances. I hated having to lie to Justin and the others, having to hide my emotions all the time. Sure, it was easy when I felt alone and shallow, when I was cold to everyone. But now, things have changed. I've changed. If it's for the better or for the worse, I have no clue and I might never know. 

All I know for sure is that with every passing day, I'm finding it more and more difficult to act like my old self. Sure, I miss how I always had a good comeback, how I didn't care about anything or anyone. At the same time it's also nice to have someone who cares about you and wants to make you happy. I remember telling my dad how I wanted a boyfriend to love and comfort me. God bless him, he would always say, "Why do you need a boyfriend if you have me for all that?"

I would laugh and explain how it's not the same because he's my father. It was true- it's not the same, having a parent comfort and love you as having that special person do those things instead. My father would tell me that all I'd ever need in life is a parent or a friend to love and take care of me, but it's not enough. Everyone gets lonely or bored with the same people. Everyone needs a special someone to turn to every once in a while when your parents and friends aren't enough. But no loving parent can understand that because they don't want to lose their child to someone else.

Bottom line is, I like who I'm becoming but I am also very scared. I'm terrified of getting my heart broken but at the same time, I don't want to call things off and spend the rest of my days wondering what would have happened if I had managed to suck it up. I just hoped Kellin actually likes the soft side of me and not the defensive, insulting one. Hey, I'm not one to judge; everyone has their little fetish.

"You're an idiot," I deadpanned pathetically. The urge to slap myself came over me as soon as the words slipped from between my lips. That was such a lame comeback. Rachel looked confused and she stared at me with a wrinkled forehead and furrowed eyebrows. Kellin pursed his lips as he tried his best not to laugh at my pitiful attempt at retaliation.

"Are you feeling okay, sis?" Rachel asked, sounding genuinely concerned. Her worried tone made Kellin's eyes go wide and his face turn into an unflattering frown all at once. To be honest, it sort of threw me off guard as well.

"Yeah, I guess," I chuckled nervously as I tried to keep my face from turning into a creepy smile. "I should be asking you the same thing. Did you get any tattoos?" I asked, trying my best to change the subject.

"Sure did!" Rachel grinned and bent over to show me her tattoo at the back of her thigh. It was a strange design, circles and lines running through each other...it was sort of unnerving actually.

I forced a bright smile onto my face and flashed her my teeth. "Wow! That's...nice!" I breathed out as brightly as I could. She smirked at me in return before hopping off up the stairs and into her room. I let out a sigh of relief and slumped my shoulders forward, thanking the heavens she didn't realize I was lying.