why is it like this

Part 1 - Being outed

I was betrayed by the one person I trusted the most, my ex-best friend Oren.

in the changing rooms after PE, with venom in his voice, he spat out hurtful words, "What are you looking at?," he started moving towards me at that point, "You fucking a fag or something?". He said when he got to me. Feeling the spit land on my face made me grimace inside, not showing it on the outside. The disgust in his eyes pierced through me, leaving me feeling exposed and defenceless. I wanted to scream, to lash out, but I held it all in, masking my pain as I examined the changing room floor.

The betrayal cut through me like a knife, leaving me raw and wounded.

Once changed, I bolted into the corridor, the words of the other Boys ringing in my ears like a cruel symphony of mockery, "Oh look at him, cry-baby!'' they jeered "Ugh, that is why he looks at me funn-", their mocking laughter echoing off the walls. And then, to add insult to injury, some of them started gagging and mimicking obscene gestures.

The hurt and humiliation hit me like a tidal wave, and I found myself unable to contain the flood of tears streaming down my face, my true friends Jay and Azh came to my side, offering their unwavering support and understanding.

Mr. Sterling, the P.E. teacher, marched through the hallway doors with indifference in his eyes. It was as if we were invisible, insignificant in his world, I remembered how he always seemed to despise me for not excelling in sports like football or rugby. Instead, I thrived in activities like gymnastics, netball, and hockey - what he called "girly" sports. 

But it wasn't just me who felt his malice. We couldn't help but wonder if Mr Sterling's behaviour stemmed from deep-rooted homophobia or religious practice. 

The rest of the day I got bullied and yelled at. The physical aggression only intensified, with people not just hitting me, but deliberately targeting my shins as I walked past them in class. I felt the weight of their cruel words and actions bearing down on me, leaving me feeling helpless and alone. The boys in the changing room, fueled by Oren's hurtful words about my sexuality, made it their mission to degrade and mock me every chance they got. Each time they laid eyes on me, I was met with gagging noises and vindictive comments that cut deep into my soul.

My dear friends - Lee, Azh, and Jay - were the only ones who showed me true kindness and understanding. They knew the struggles I faced because they had already been through it themselves. they all had faced ridicule and judgment from those around them. Their experiences were not easy, but they had each other for support. Despite losing friends and having to deal with teachers who may have looked down upon them, they stood strong in their truth. They were gay, transgender, and nonbinary, but they refused to hide who they truly were.