Jonathan Kills Sonic.EXE

Speedmouse Gets Destroyed

Jonathan looked at the computer that his super cool great grandson Josuke had shown him. For some odd reason, a little blue hedgehog was bleeding from the eyes and saying some weird things about death and being God.

It's probably best to tell you why this would be happening, considering Jonathan was extremely dead by the time computers and Josukes were invented.

Jotaro had found a Stand user who had the ability to bring people from the past to the present. He had the person bring his ancestors and their companions to his current time, which happened to be during the "Diamond is Unbreakable" arc. When questioned as to why he did this, he just shrugged and smirked a little bit.

Josuke had taken an immediate liking to Jonathan and his best friend Speedwagon. He had offered to let them stay at his place, but of course, as the gentlemen they were, they refused. So Josuke asked a little more, and more, and more, until Jonathan couldn't take it anymore and just accepted his offer.

Josuke had been a very kind, if not a little overbearing, host. He had shown Jonathan how to work a computer, and Jonathan was in awe at how much technology had come since his time.

However, when Josuke was in the middle of explaining what an email was, the weird little blue mouse popped up on the screen.

"Ummm...is it supposed to do that?" Jonathan asked.

"What... what the heck? Oh no, that's not good!" Josuke exclaimed, panic making itself clear on his face. "That's the guy from that garbage creepypasta! I thought he was just a stupid internet story!!"

Jonathan had zero clue what was going on. However, he didn't like seeing his great grandson upset, so he grabbed a hold of the computer and was going to smash it for making Josuke sad when Josuke stopped him.

"Dude, that's expensive stuff. It may have a lil demon in it but if you break it my mom might actually murder me," Josuke said.

"How are we gonna get rid of him?" Jonathan asked, suddenly very afraid of whoever Joseph had decided to cheat on his wife with.

"I don't really know..."

Jonathan pondered his options for a moment, before deciding on asking Joseph to use Hermit Purple on the computer to deus ex machina the plot forward. He discovered the real world location of the mouse guy, and started getting ready for his quest to kill him.

"Wait I thought Sonic.EXE was a video game character, you mean to tell me he's real?" Josuke yelled, although not too loud because his mom was trying to sleep.

"Yes, and I'm going to kill him, to protect your honor!" Josuke was touched by his great grandpa's words, but he was also terrified because, though he wouldn't admit it, he was super scared of the creepypasta the first time he read it, he even cried a little.

Jonathan went around to the guest bedroom of Josuke's house to get the things he would need for his quest. He also grabbed Speedwagon because who else was gonna narrate?

"What are we doing Jonathan?" Speedwagon asked, having been interrupted in a conversation with the future employees of the Speedwagon Foundation that he didn't know he had created.

"We're going to kill a little blue hedgehog that greatly upset Josuke," Jonathan said, as if that was the most normal thing in the world.

"Ok then, I'm guessing you want me to narrate?"

"If you'd like to."

"You know I'd like to. I wouldn't pass this up for anything. Narrating is my passion."

The two friends headed to the location of the Sonic.EXE fellow. It was a hard and perilous journey, except it wasn't because Giorno found them and ended up getting them an Uber. They got there very soon, and they thanked the driver as they got out. They stepped into the house and prepared themselves for the fight.

"One who calls himself Sonic.EXE! Show yourself so that we may fight in a gentlemen's duel!" Jonathan shouted. A figure came out of the darkness. It was a blue hedgehog with black eyes dripping with blood. He seemed in shock.

"How did you find out where I was?" The hedgehog inquired.

"Joseph has magic powers! He told us where to find you! Also it was just more plot convenient if we didn't have to go around searching for you," Jonathan answered, maybe a little too honestly. Seriously Jojo, what a way to call me out on my laziness.

"It doesn't matter, now that you're here you're gonna die anyway," Sonic said, beginning to levitate spookily.

Jonathan punched the hedgehog very hard in the head, shattering its skull instantly. Sonic had been killed.

"Jonathan killed the hedgehog. It was far easier than expected!" Speedwagon narrated.

They headed home, Sonic.EXE's corpse in tow. When they arrived back at Josuke's house, they happily showed off the creature to their host, who was equal parts relieved that it was dead and horrified that it had actually existed in the first place. Josuke's computer would no longer be haunted by the spooky mouse.

"The story seems to have ended rather abruptly and unsatisfyingly," Speedwagon narrated once again, "and the fight scene was barely enjoyable."

Jonathan thought for a moment. There's no way that the story could be over already, right? Their adventures usually lasted between 23 to 46 minutes, yet this one had taken, like, 12. There has to be more to the story, right?

There wasn't. The End.

Until Joseph barged in, shouting.

"Ohhhhh my god, there's a freaky yellow fox guy in your garden Josuke."

"I don't have a garden," Josuke answered.

"Oh....we'll there a freaky yellow fox guy in SOMEONE'S garden."

All the Jojo's and Jobro's minus Okuyasu cuz he got lost in a mall went out to investigate, and sure enough, Tails the Fox from the Sonic The Hedgehog franchise was sitting in a garden. The garden hadn't been there before, but honestly that was pretty tame compared to everything else the group had experienced over the years.

"Greetings mortals. My name is Tails. I want to thank you for freeing me from that evil hedgehog."

Everyone stared in awe as the fox began to glow and turned into pure light and floated up towards the sky. Bruno started crying and he really didn't know why, it was just too beautiful.

Suddenly all the other character form the infamous creepypasta were mimicking Tails's actions, turning to light and floating to the heavens. Jonathan killing Sonc had set all of the other characters free.

"This kinda reminds me of the time when Reimi did this exact same thing, it was pretty cool-"

And then Josuke ruined the moment. Oh well, good things never last with the Joestars.