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Sometimes the situations I get into are beyond me and tonight I have ended up in a cab going towards an AP in west , not a clue who is hosting or what the occasion is.
I look at my homegirl carla who is as waved as me and she looks back and wraps her arm around me.
"are we there yet"she asks the cab driver attempting to look at the satnav he was following as she is the most impatient person I have ever met
He looks in his mirror and mutters "5 minute's" and i start to get my shit together and mentally preparing myself for the social interactions I will have to endure.
I turn to carla and grab her cheeks "listen we need to pattern up and act like we aren't already drunk before even entering the fucking motive"i start preaching to her giggling halfway through.
She places a hand on my face and starts laughing too before she tells me that we are good and I need to chill.
"here" our cab driver lets us know that we have arrived and I look out the window to see crowds of people swarming the car trying to get into the same motive as us
"damn who's party is this it's fucking packed"I say while getting out the cab as uncle was trying to cut asap 🤣
Carla grabs my arm as we start to walk simultaneously towards the entrance and I immediately feel over dressed let alone over exposed.
I felt eyes on me the moment I stepped into the AP and my heart was thumping out of my chest,carla pulls me towards the drink table but I pull back immediately.
"One sec babe I'm gonna go toilet"I say while walking away almost immediately.
I push past crowds of people trying to locate a bathroom and eventually go upstairs to try my luck.
the "upstairs" just ended up being a abandoned balcony but I wanted to explore it so I slid the door open and was hit with cold london air.
I walk towards the edge and place my hands on the rail look over it and enjoying the view.
I love moments like this.Just to be alone.Just be get away from the chaos.
I turn to my left and see a guy sparking up and got startled by his quiet presence.
"fuck me"I whisper to myself as he looks up at me nodding his head
"tryna bill it"he asks as he offers the zoot to me
Well maybe getting cross-faded at this party will be the only thing to help me losen up.
I take it awkwardly and sit down next to him putting my bag to my side and holding onto it tightly.
We sit in silence for a bit and I clear my throat trying to ignore the sheer awkwardness of the situation I am in.
"soooo um do you the guy who is hosting this AP"I say quietly trying to create convo
He looks at me and laughed while shaking his head
"what"I say while laughing along awkwardly
"oh so you just going to a random AP without knowing wagwarn"he says looking away at me
I look at him shocked but waved me found it so funny that I burst out laughing in his face.
He starts laughing with me and shakes his head.
"if you must know I'm at +1 so you don't know what your talking about"I say while taking a pull out of the zoot
"say nothing then so who is your +1 to cah the fact that you don't know this is my AP is a bit tapped"he says while taking the zoot from my hand as I'm frozen in shock.
"oh shit"I say while playing with my rings
"yeahhhh oh shit"he repeats sarcastically
We sit in silence for a bit before I speak again
"wait so if this ur AP why are you up here alone"I say looking away and around at the balcony
"I'm not alone am I"he says while taking another pull of the zoot
He looks me straight in my eye and I swear I'm not overreacting but this shit was something out of a movie,it was like everything around us stopped for a second and I couldn't move .
I quickly snap out of it and chuckle awkwardly like I do in any intimate situation and look away as I grab my bag.
I stand up and look back at him trying hard to not seem nervous.
"well you probably don't want me to bother you so I'm gonna leave but it wa-"I start to ramble and he cuts me off
"why"he asks while looking at the view
"what"I say
"why do you think your bothering me"he says as he looks up at me
"I don't I just I don't know I just"I stop and look down mentally telling myself to get it the fuck together
I sigh and look back up at him "I'm going downstairs now"I say while exiting the situation as fast as I could walk without letting him say another word.
I lock myself the bathroom I finally found and look up at the mirror at myself.
My phone rings and it's demi probably wondering where the fuck I have disappeared too but I couldn't even answer.
what the fuck was that what the fuck was that what the fuck was that
I've never felt this way before
"shut up its the fucking liquor getting to you"I say to the mirror as I deny the last 10 minutes of my life didn't happen
Any guy that I speak to I can hold my composure usually because I'm not interested but this was different.
Different than any interaction I've ever had with another guy.
