The reigingtonverse : Reigen arataka x agent washington super epic fanfic

Chapter 3 : Birhth.. (intense)

the clock was ticking; only mere seconds were left until.. it happened! i'm literally not gonna describe this but imagine it like those alien movies where the baby literally pops outta the stomach and there's fucking goo everywhere except it's out of reigenns butthole which was probably pulsating like the nair video. the whole room was in shock because it wasn't just ONE baby..it was TWO! two twins were born; one that somehow came out with a headband with the words "skibidi toliet" embedded onto it and the other with this really fucking nerdy glasses.. gross. reigen's jaw literally DROPPED when he looked at the two little shits that just popped out. bayonetta leaned over to check with a look of interest.
"surprise twins? that's the first. i believe one of them has nerdiritis..unfortunately it's a genetic disorder!"
"THERE'S TWO?! are you serious, i can't pay child support for both? we barely have enough for one of them," snarled reigen as he was wiping away the buckets of sweat over his face. washington had a handkerchief and helped him dry off.
"BABY, IT'S OKAY, WE'LL FIGURE IT OUT! for now, what are we gonna name them?"
reigen and washington just stared at each other while bayonetta carefully wrapped the babies in blankets. reigen tilted his head at the one with the headband and pointed at it.
"how about that one? we just name it something cool, like uhhh.. i dunno, nut? narendra? naruto? yeah, naruto.. it looks like one."
washington stared at the dumbass looking one with the glasses and bucktooth.
"what about the other? nurse said it has nerdiritis.. let's give it a really nerdy and cheeky name."
reigen rubbed his chin and a thought bubble hovered over his head, til a lightbulb appeared and lit up.
"uhh..chuuya? i remember seeing it somewhere.. all i know is a loser would have that name, so why not"

timeskip to a couple hours later because a timeskip is inevitable in most fanfics so it was bound to happen. also i'm running out of ideas so this is my little cheap way out of it, they went into the waiting room to check out of the hospital. there were a bunch of people there; a green haired dude with swords, black and white spider guy with a cool fedora but wouldn't shut the fuck up with his 1930's slang (none of the staff even gets what he's talking about) , the most boyloser looking meth distributor, some bull-horned whatever the fuck that is (how did it even get through the doorway). wash and reigen went into their car, exhausted out of their minds with the kids in the backseat. the rocket launcher was still in the front seat where jesus had left it. washington picked it up as he sat in the driver seat and tossed it to the back. it hit chuuya in the head and it probably gave him brain damage (i hope it did) but whatever it wouldn't make a difference because it's a nerd. then, they went back home and everything was sunshine and rainbows yayyyy the end