Do not say you will change because you won't. There has been plenty of times where you said that and there hasn't been any different. You told me you would change multiple times you told me it was going to be different. You told me so many lies that I promised myself I would try to believe.
Do not say you love me because if you did you'd be different if you did, you would change the way you were. If you did, you would change what you were doing. If you did, you would be different for me. If you did, you were try your hardest to change all of your bad habits or most at least for me to make sure we worked out.
Do not say I'm your "favorite ex" don't let the words out of your fucking mouth! You don't love me or need me with you..you don't need me to "help you heal" YOU WANT ME TO STAY SO IM HOOKED ON YOU! Just so you have someone to "hold" you or "entertain" you. I'm not a toy! And I'll never be one, not even for you.
Do not call me cute nicknames that you used to call me when we were together because you do that to get me to love you again, I hate you for that. I don't wanna love you again! I don't wanna be known as your "ex that is stuck on you" because I don't love you anymore and I love myself more than I'll ever love you again!
Do not let the words "I'm sorry" come out of your mouth because you say that every time you leave and I'm tired of hearing it. I'm never gonna love you again and I'm going to be happy without you and I'll love all of me more than you could ever love me. I'm so lucky your gone and out of my family, I'm happier without you
Do not let the words "I love you" come out because every time you say I love you you make me think you're going to stay in my heart stays forever, yours and yours to play with. I feel like your favorite toy yet you don't seem to love me that much I really hope you change I really want you to. I want to be that girl for you. I honestly don't think I'll ever move on. I would say 100 times before as I see the sun slowly rise, I realize that I don't need you you just wanted me too. Sometimes I wonder if you really meant to love me I didn't want you to love me because it would've been bad for both of us if I..if we stay together
Are used to make fake scenarios about us, but now I tell myself "do not let those thoughts come back into your mind those thoughts want to hurt you" no I'll let you run freely with no thought in my mind concerning you or your name. I just have dreams about you, but now I don't I stop myself and make myself realize how much you hurt me and how much you could've hurt me worse than I already am you made it so it took me months to heal you made it, so it is so hard for me to heal you made it, so it was hard for me to trust people you made it, so my heart would only be when it needed to not when it felt butterflies or when it felt love you made me feel like loving you was like surviving you made me feel like I was living in a war zone
Sometimes I wonder if you still read her text hoping that you'll get that love that I want gave you again I know that you love me you've stated that multiple times every time you've come back to me that you love me, but you can't date me and I understand that I do not care for your love and I do not care for your wanting. I hope you never show up , sometimes I would say that hoping that you would never show up again hoping that I'd never need your love again you leaving was probably the best thing that could've happened to me that taught me that I was able to love myself that taught me that I didn't need you to move on with life
Sometimes I wonder if you would've been different if I never met you you make it seem like I wouldn't be able to live without you when you left my heart felt vacant when you left I really shouldn't sometimes I really don't want to but now my heart feels full of love and freedom that it overflows With love and caring and kindness all of the things that you could not give me you couldn't even spare me a dollar of your time you couldn't even spare me a dime of your kindness. You couldn't even spare me a penny of your gratitude you didn't even appreciate that I was here and I realize that now because I could go only five minutes without your attention. Then I'd feel like crying you could go for hours without realizing it existed. It's like you didn't want to love me you just loved the idea of loving me.
Do not get me wrong I do love you in a way that could get me hurt again, but I will not love you with in arms grasp. I will love you from a distance and hope you move on. I hope for the best for you I don't want anything bad happening to you. I hope you MoveOn. I hope you forget about me. I hope you feel the freedom that I feel now I hope you feel as happy as I do , I hope you get to feel like you can smile without feeling you have to fake it. I wish you peace I wish you quietness. I hope you finally learn how to love yourself without having someone else to depend on because that shit can really drain somebody you drained me I just never wanted to tell you.
So I never said anything.
𝓓𝓸𝓷'𝓽 𝓭𝓸 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓼
