My Famous Boy

24. My ugly past

He frowned and suddenly gasped. FUCK! the call, when Bam ran away, that evening I yelled at you and you had the panick attack?

I nodded

Oh, Jimin I'm sorry. He hugged me and kissed my forehead. I'm so sorry

It's OK. You didn't know.

What happened with your family?

I stared at him.

I was 15 when I realize, that I'm into boys. I fought with my self for so long. And when I was 17 I gave up, and confesed it to myself.

I went by my mom and told her. She stroked my hair and smiled at me

Jimin, she said, it will be good, we fix it. I was confuse, but I didn't want to understand what she just said.

After few days, father called me down. I came in our living room and there were mom, dad and my brother

We sat on couch and talked. And suddenly my dad slapped me.

Tomorrow you will meet this girl. He showed me some photo

I shooked with my head. I can't dad. I don't like girls, I like bo....

He hitted me, he was beating me every day. Every fucking day I was beated with my own father because I was gay.

My mom didin't beat me, but she yelled at me, they didn't give me food. And when I got caught stealing food, father beat me up and yelled at me that fucking faggots don't get food.

My brother cried and beg my parents to be good for me, but they didn't listen.

He was bringing me food, but I was scared that they could hurt him if they caught him, so I told him not to do it anymore.

So I became lonely, depressed and with the panick attack.

How long, Jimin?

A year, my last year on high school.

When I graduated I told everything to Taehyung and he saved my life. We were childhoods friends and after his dad's death, they moved with his mother here in Seoul. So, I ran from my parent's house and Tae brought me here in Seoul with him. He told everything to Jin, his cousin, and he let me live with them in the apartment where I still live.

I slept on matress on the floor in Taehyung's room, and when Jin met Namjoon and they moved together I moved in Jin's old room.

They are my family. Tae's mom, Jin, Nam, Tae and Hoseok. They took care about me, they helped me so much. With my sexuality and with my life. Auntie fed me up, when I came here. I was 18 and I had 40 kilo. She is like my mom. You met her, in the grocery shop.

He nodded and wipped his tears.

I started to study on college as Tae did and I worked in Jin's cafe as waiter to have some money.

Jin let me live free in his apartment and I have note with every Won what I owe him and one day I will pay everything to him. He don't want anything. But I want it like that.

I just started working in TV, and I have not save much money yet. But I'm saving them and when I will have the whole amount I will give it to Jin.

Did you saw you parents from the time?

I shooked with my head

No, I wrote them letter, that I'm here in Seoul, in safe. But they never answered

I'm sorry. he whispered and I could heard him cry

Don't cry, Jungkook. Its past, I have nice life now. I really do and I also have my family. But I miss my brother, He was so young when it all happened. He was only 13, its 5 years, so he is 18 now.

I hope he is OK

What's his name?

Park Jihyun

And where did you lived?

In Busan

Come to me, he said and pulled me closer. I'm really sorry for yelling at you that day. I wont do it again.

Then I kissed him and we laid a long time in our embrance in silent. Every one of us lost in his own minds.

I remembered everything and I realize, that I really miss my brother. And that I want to know if are my parents healthy.

Tell me about your friends, family.

Hm, how to describe them

Jin – he is the most warm heart man, what I ever met. He take care about us, he feed us and his arms are always open for a hug

Nam – he and Jin are engaged, Nam is a doctor, he work with children. But at home he is so clumsy, but he is also good one. He always listen to us and always have some advise for us.

Hoseok – he is our sunshine, he is so supportive and loving person. His boyfriend is really happy person, I hope he knows, what he has in Hoseok.

and Taehyung, my Tae, he is my soul mate. My best friend, I love him with my whole heart. I would do anything for him.

Hm, I'd like to know them.

Really?

Yes

Are you serious? Because Jin and Nam want to meet you too. They don't know, that its you, they just want to know my boyfriend.

You were with them during your panick attack?

Yes

They must hate me.

No, I told them, that you don't know. Nam gave me my pills and it helped

You eat pills?

During the attack, yes. But before this last attack I used them long time ago, maybe 6 months.

Nam's friend from college is psychiatrist, and he helped me, Nam asked him and he helped me free. I don't visit him anymore, but I still have the pills for attack.

He nodded with his head, but was silent

Jungkook, I'm not freak, but if is it too comlicated for you, I will understand if you will end our relantionship. But, please if you want, end it now. Before I fall in love with you. I whispered

He looked at me. What are you talking about, Jimin? I don't want to end anything between us, I never felt like this before, you are my angel, Jimin. My beauty.

I giggled and we kissed.

I really like you, Jimin

I like you too.

Can I meet your friends after concerts? They are in a few days, and I'm getting nervous

You are nervous? Why? You are perfect

I'm always scared that I disappointing Army

I laid back on his chest and stroked his abs. Don't worry Jungkook. You will never disappointing us.

US? Didn't you said, that you aren't army anymore? He smiled

Well, you know, once you are an army.... But don't worry, if someone ask me I'll said that I'm not so much in you... I said with smirk

You shouldn't lie, Jimin. Jungkook said, chuckled.

I slapped his chest and he laught.

Oh, Jimin. you are so sweet. We laid in silent for a while

Good night Jungkook, I'm sleepy

Good night my beauty.

He said and I smile to the nickname. I know it fit for girls, but I didn't mind, not from Jungkook. He could have called me anything.

He kissed me and pulled me little more close to him. I stroked his arm and he kissed my forehead

We slowly fall asleep