✑ The Wilt Of The Rose

Where I've been, writing-wise

Hello. I don't know why I unpublished this journal with the many other works I unpublished, but I'm putting this back up. Aside from the occasional comments on my message board, I haven't been super active in reading or writing on Wattpad.

I think it's partially because I'm getting older, but there's been a number of other reasons. I started at my university last year, which was a huge shift from high school. I fell into one of the worst depressive episodes I have had in recent years. I've talked about the ways I struggled with mental health before on this app, and during my early years of high school , I found myself in a very dark place. This episode I had gone through was to the same severity as it was back then. I won't go into detail, but I relapsed on some unhealthy habits, and overall, I felt so unmotivated and not creative in the slightest.

Graduating high school was also graduating from the things that kept me busy and kept my mind occupied. Dance, theatre, thespian society, cheerleading, etc. I have been doing these things for such a huge portion of my life, to suddenly dropping them. I think it all kind of played into one another.

I am starting my second year, and I think it's safe to say I'm much better adapted to the change. After that, I just got far too busy to write, which sucks because I really do love writing. I was working two jobs - I just quit my second job recently, so now I'm working full time again, but at least I'm only at school three days a week.

I want to be able to prioritize classes and also be creative in writing, but I've lacked the motivation for a year now, and that's not even all.

As some know, I was working on two original novels. One of them I had started back in high school. This was Till Death Do Us Part. I had like 30-50k words of writing on this Google account, which was linked to my school account. When you graduate, they delete said accounts, so I was sure to transfer everything over to a new account so I wouldn't lose anything.

I don't know what happened, but it didn't transfer, and I lost all that writing. It wasn't just segments from my book, but it had so much planning, outlining, alternate ideas/ending, references, etc. To say I was crushed would be an understatement. That's literally every writer's worst nightmare, and I used to laugh at the idea of it happening to me.

I can laugh at myself for being such a fucking idiot, but despite being able to find the humor in this it doesn't stop my eye from twitching.

I nearly rage quit on the whole novel and was fixing to scrap it, but since I'm more collected now I hope to get back into that story. Anyway, I haven't actually written anything new. I dappled in my Stranger Things fanfic slightly, but nothing else. I would truly not wish that I let fanfic get in the way of me writing my actual original books.

So yeah, that's what's been up. If anyone has any advice for getting motivation, please send that advice my way. I've tried every trick in the book that I would use in the past, but none of it seems to work now. I hope you're all doing well!