❥𝑹𝒆𝒅 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆

Chapter 63

Valerie

My eyes began to get sore from staring out of the window. I had been in Carlos' room for two days. Barely leaving the bed, barely eating, barely sleeping.
I just listened to Carlos coming and going off, checking in on me between times.
He was the first person I thought of running too after Charles threw me out.

Charles.

Only thinking about his name hurt.
Very.

Carlos didn't quite understand why it all happened. Hell, I didn't either.
But he took me in without asking further questions.

It was when I stood in front of the mirror that I realized how my visage looked.
My eyes red, swollen. Cheeks dried out from the tears and smeared make-up.

I was a mess.
Without him.

Why did he do this?

Why did he sleep with her?

Having to look at them, laying comfortable in bed.
I didn't know whether to be angry or just averagely heartbroken.
Like everyone after a break up.
Only that I lived through the same thing twice.

But at the moment I just felt nothing, actually.
My aching heart overturned everything else.

It was that I didn't understand why, that broke me.

Was I not enough?
What does she have that I don't?
Didn't he really love me?
Like ever?

It felt so real...
But did he just play with me?
Was he with Rebecca all the time?
Was this just a game for him?

And then I put one and one together.
The reason why we broke up the first time was the same one.
And it has always been Rebecca.

The realization hit me like a rock in the face, made my heart beat slower.
And tears wetted my face again.

***

17:48

I heard the door open. I couldn't see who entered, but I recognized my brother by his voice.
I was laying with my head in the other direction.

He walked around the bed.
»Hey, Val.«, he greeted me, but I barley noticed him.
My mind felt like my personal prison. It made me hard to to breathe.

»I brought you something to eat.«

He put a bakers bag on the table in front of the window.
»Thank you.« was all that escaped my lips.

I decided to straighten up in bed, as far as my limbs allowed. I felt like I was paralyzed.

Carlos kept standing by the table, his worried look flying above me.
He grabbed the bag and wanted to hand it to me.

»I'm not hungry right now, Carlos.«, I stopped him with a slight, forced smile.

»Valerie, tienes que comer algo!« [you have to eat something!]

I knew that when my brother started arguing with me in Spanish, he was serious.
And I was too exhausted to fight with him.
So I gave in.
»Fine.«

I took the bag and laid it into my lap.
»I will take a shower.«, Carlos said and already disappeared into the bathroom.

I took a quick look inside the bakers bag. A chocolate croissant, I loved those, and...
My heart skipped a beat.

Pistachio macarons.

Oh.

Carlos couldn't have known.
He knew they were my favorite, but he didn't know I used to eat them with Charles a lot.

I put the bag aside, trying not to think about it.

I needed some distraction.
And I opened social media to escape my own thoughts for a bit. But I didn't think it through.
Home Feed on my Instagram - multiple Paparazzi pictures of Rebecca leaving the hotel, rumors about her having an affair with a driver.

My direct messages were full of fans asking questions. I wasn't seen in the paddock the last two days after all.
I just couldn't. Seeing him hurt too much.

I closed it again and wrapped the blanket tighter around me.

And I cried.
Desperately.

I tried not to, but I just couldn't stop it.
My heart numb, and aching at the same time.

When Carlos came out of the bathroom, hair still wet, his gaze fell on me.
Sitting in the bed, my hands covering my face.

»Valerie.« He waddled towards the bed and climbed next to me.
»I'm sorry.«, I whispered beneath the sobs, my whole body shivering. I leaned against the bed rest, taking the hands off my face and revealing my overflowed eyes.

»Shh, there's nothing to be sorry for. Come here.«
He put his warm arms around me and embraced me in a tight hug.
I sniffed the shampoo in his hair that he already used when we were teenagers. It smelled like home.

It calmed me.

»It's just that...«, I tried to start when my body stopped shivering a little.
»I caught him with Rebecca this morning.«

Carlos pulled away for a moment and looked me in the eyes. »He... Qué?«

»He said "it isn't what it looks like". But they always say that, don't they?« The tears turned into anger, disappointment. But my voice was still week.

»I could've never expected that of him.«, Carlos said, starting into a place I couldn't follow with my eyes.

»Yeah, who are you telling that to?«

My brother rested next to me, one arm around my shoulders. We remained silent for a moment.

»Did you speak with him?«, I asked carefully. I knew they were best friends, but Carlos was very angry after I showed up the other night.
I didn't know how he would treat Charles now.

»Yes.«, he answered softly after a pause.

I gave him an asking look, but not with great hope for an answer.

»He avoided my question. He wouldn't say why he ended things.«

I looked down on my hands that were grabbing the blanket tightly.

Just as I expected.
But I could fill in the reasons myself. He slept with another woman.
My biggest fear.
That he would find someone else.
And then it was Rebecca.

My throat tightened again at the thought of Charles sharing a bed with her.
The bed that was ours just two nights before.

How could he?
Did he even care at all?

Carlos ripped me out of my thoughts as he continued to speak.

»He seemed really down, though.«

I moved at his remark.
What did he mean?
I wanted to ask, but Carlos already continued.

»His eyes looked just as yours, and he barley talked. It felt like he regretted everything, or at least as if he didn't want to leave you in the first place.«

My heart sank. A glimpse of hope flamed up inside of me.
But then I remembered him and Rebecca.
And that he probably just put on a show.

My brother must've read my mind.
»But after what you've told me...«

»Yeah.«, I finished his sentence.
We both knew what he meant.

Charles might seem as heartbroken as I was, but I just didn't get it.
Why did he do this?
Why did he end up in bed with her?

»I wanted to go to work today, but I just couldn't after what I saw this morning.«, I explained to him.

»It's okay, no one blames you.« His voice was soft and reassuring.
I was so thankful for my brother.

»Thank you.«, I whispered. »For being here.«

»Por supuesto.«