Felix was quiet the whole ride home. Which should have been normal to Jessa, Felix was always a bit brooding. But this time... maybe she was a bit paranoid but she couldn't help but worry that something that he and Mannon spoke about had gotten to him.
"Did you and Mannon have a good time?" She asked hesitantly, testing the waters.
The lost boy tensed a bit, making her sure that her worries had been right. Whatever they talked about, Felix wasn't going to tell her. "We did," was his reply. She considered pressing more, but then he spoke up again. "Can people leave Storybrooke?"
Was he considering running away? Jessa's chest tightened at the thought. "Not while keeping their memories. And they wouldn't be able to get back once they left." She hoped that would be enough to dissuade him. He didn't give her any reassurance, however, just made a noise of acknowledgement and didn't say any more.
When they got back to the apartment, Jessa's anxiety had only gotten worse. He had gone to bed immediately and she couldn't stop thinking about the fact he may disappear by the time she went to sleep. If she checked his room in the morning and he had taken his chances at the border of the town. She tossed and turned for hours in bed, wide away while the world itself was sleeping.
Eventually the stress got to her head and she threw the blankets off of her restless body. It would be fine to check in on him, she convinced herself. Just peek her head into the room and make sure he was safe and sound. That wouldn't be bad, she told herself. After all, she was supposed to be looking after him. It was just her job. She was just doing what she was supposed to do.
His light was on when she got to his door, and she knew it would only be right if she knocked before barging in.
"Yes?" replied the familiar voice as she stepped inside. Felix was still dressed, sitting on his bed and sharpening his knives. "What?" he asked her, watching her carefully.
The way he was looking at her was luckily free of the outright hostility and distrust she had gotten used to. More cautious and curious, like a freshly abandoned pet on the street. He set his knives down on the bed as he had spoken, waiting for her to say something.
"Can't sleep?" She asked, stumbling over those two words slightly. She hadn't really had any plan of what to say if he saw her, nothing she could honestly say without sounding paranoid. He shook his head at her question.
Talk to me. Let me in. Don't disappear. The thoughts she couldn't get out of her head.
"Why not?" She usually tried not to push, but it almost felt like she had to at that moment. She sat down on the edge of the bed across from him. Giving him space but letting him know she wouldn't just leave so easily. "Nightmares again?"
The pained look that flashed across his face quickly let her know she had been right, tugging on her heartstrings. But he shook his head, avoiding admitting it.
"What do you dream about?" She pushed again, watching him glance between her and his hands. She moved closer and he didn't move away, even swaying slighting in her direction as if he wanted to get closer as well but wouldn't let himself. Her hand twitched slightly, holding herself back from reaching out to him.
"The island." He finally said, his voice quiet. There was a bitterness to his voice, like he hated himself for speaking. He probably did. "Pan."
He paused for a minute, refusing to look at her. "My family" He spat out the word, like it was poison on his lips. Either because he hated to word (or maybe it hated him) or because he hated that he was admitting it.
It was the first time he mentioned any life before Neverland since the diner. Jessa shivered in her curiosity, unable to tear her eyes away from the boy in front of her. He was still, muscled tensed, frozen in place as he glared down at his hands.
"What did they do to you sweetheart?" Her voice was barely a whisper, Felix only able to hear it from how silent the room itself was. Tears twitched in his eyes as he continued to refuse to look at her. Jessa knew she had hit a nerve.
Suddenly the boy stood up, making his way towards the door. As if he were trying to escape. Jessa reached out to him as quickly as he moved, "wait" barely escaping her lips.
She had meant to grab his arm, missing and reaching his hand instead. She sat on the bed, her hand gripping his as he stood still yet again. Slowly he turned towards her, the tears in his eyes replaced by a blank stare. He wasn't looking at her, just through her. She recognized that look in his eyes, it had stared back at her in the mirror for years.
He lifted his other hand slowly, the one in hers gripping her tightly. As if it was what was keeping him standing upright. It was so warm, the calluses in his palm rough against hers. His free hand lightly touched his face, right where his scar was.
"He did this." Was all the boy could get out, hand shaking so much he had to drop it back to his side. He towered over her sitting form, looking like a fallen angel as he refused to let any emotions cross his face.
"Who did that?" Sweetheart, honey, love, baby, the nicknames flashing through her mind but refusing to leave her lips.
Anguish has written itself across his face, Felix ripped his hand out of Jessa's. The moment gone.
"My father." He said the word with such hatred as he turned away from her, leaving the room with one quick stride. Slamming the door behind him, he disappeared from her sight.
When she heard the front door slam shut, she couldn't stop the tears beginning to stream down her face. Gasping sobs filled the room, shuddering as she gripped the sheets. Jessa couldn't tell if she was crying for him or herself, the emotions of the night overtaking her. The room had begun to smell like him, a sign of how he had cemented himself into her life.
She curled up in the bed, hating herself for how she had pushed him in the way she had. He hadn't been ready and now he was gone, with nothing but a messy room and a hole in her heart to show for it.
***
Hey guys, sorry for such a long hiatus. This chapter was giving me such bad writers block cause I knew what I wanted to happen in this chapter but had no idea how to play it out. But it's done and despite the angst I'm really happy with it. Gonna try to knock out the next chapter today as well, and hopefully get back on track with posting regularly. I love you all for your patience, lemme know if there's anything you wanna see in the next few chapters! We're over halfway done the story now gang, and I really hope you've been enjoying it
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Better Love
同人小说"I'm stuck in Storybrooke, Pan betrayed me, and nothing I know is useful here! What do I even have left?" "You have me." OUAT Felix x OC
