October 27th, 2023.
The roof of my house was my safe haven. A place of peace. A feeling of paradise, and a way of feeling alive again.
Because when I'm not on that roof, I feel dead.
I always dream of the day I find someone I can share my rooftop feelings with.
It was a long day at school. I tuck a strand of hair behind my hair and drop my backpack on the floor and head to the kitchen. I see my mom. I will always love my mom, but its like...every time I'm around her, I feel guilty about something that I can't quite put my finger on.
We just kind of co-exist. We just live together, we don't really say anything to each other. I go into the fridge and grab the cream cheese. Another strange thing about my childhood is that we always had a breadbox. I don't really know what the purpose of a breadbox is. Its kinda like a toothbrush topper I guess. I guess some of us just need the reassurance. I grab the bagel bag, which coincidentally, isn't in the breadbox, but next to it. I make myself a cream cheese bagel and put it on a paper plate from our plate cabinet. I notice I left crumbs on the counter, so I wipe them up.
Last time I didn't wipe the crumbs up, everyone in the family got a lecture about how messy we always leave the house.
I go upstairs.
I sit at my desk and eat my bagel. In silence. Yes, I know, I know, it's pretty weird. I just enjoy silence. I like to zone out and think. It feels nice to know that I have my own thoughts. Thinking has always been something I liked to do in my free time. I overthink too, but mostly I just think. Pondering on my favorite topics and creating scenarios in my head.
I unlock my phone. My password is 5756. Only because that has been a combination I remember easily. It's my step dads password too.
I have too many apps. But then again, I have too much of everything. Or so my mom tells me.
I slide my fingers across the screen and find Instagram. No messages. I have a feeling Christmas will be boring.
After I'm done with my bagel, and checking my notifications,
Which were mostly Duolingo,
I head downstairs with my plate. The trash is pretty full, so I place the plate on top and press it down really hard. I then take out the trash. Last time I didn't take out the trash, we got yet another lecture.
I feel like it was my fault. I feel very bad for making everyone hear that lecture all because I didn't take out the trash. I feel...guilty.
Per usual, though.
I notice it's becoming pretty chilly outside. It is November, so it shouldn't be a shock. But it is for Texas.
I go back in and stand in front of our heater for a second, and take my shoes off next to the door.
I sit at our island table and think.
As I'm thinking about what to wear tomorrow for school, my mom walks downstairs and into the kitchen.
She comes up behind me, and rubs my shoulders lovingly.
"What do you want now?" I say, teasingly.
"Well that's kind of why I came down here...I have to talk to you about something. I know it will be hard on you, just please don't be mad and take into consideration tha-"
I cut her off.
"What is it." The teasing aura quickly fading, being replaced with worry and anger.
"Well...there's no easy way to put this.."
Thats how every life changing sentence starts, I think to myself.
"But...Me and your step dad are getting a divorce. And he wants us out in 5 days max."
The ringing in my ears start, and my eyes get glossy. I didn't expect that. Not at all.
"What.." I say, disbelieving.
"He wants me gone too..?"
"Well, he doesn't really have any custody of you. But I birthed you. Y'know, this kinda hurts, why do you want to stay with him and not me???" She says, only thinking about herself yet again.
"Well anyways, we are moving to Boerne."
I stare at her for a second, disbelief flooding my mind. I then run upstairs, tears streaming down my face.
Where the hell even is Boerne??
I hate her.
Why are they getting a divorce??
What about my friends here?
Thoughts flood my head, overthinking taking over.
