The Inner Child Club

Nathan's Bad Day

Zach and I scribbled on a huge piece of paper with our crayons. Jess got down on the floor and watched us with a smile. "Are you having fun, sweethearts?"

"Uh huh!" Zach and I said, nodding.

"We wanted a quiet 'tivity cuz Danny's sleeping," I whispered to her.

"Aww," she looked up at him adoringly. "So cute."

"Dis color pretty!" Zach held it up.

"Oooh! What's it called?" She asked.

Zach turned the crayon over and looked at the name. "Muh... Muh... macky cheese!"

"Is the color of a sunset!" I raised my hand.

Before Jess could respond, Nathan burst through the door and slammed it shut. "I hate law!" He stomped over to the kitchen counter and threw his textbook down on it with a loud thud.

Jess went over to him. "... are you okay, hon?"

Nathan didn't answer.

"Do you need some little time?"

After a moment or two, he nodded.

"C'mere!" Zach raised his hand. "We got lotsa crayons!"

Nathan went over, paci in hand, and plopped down beside us. He popped it in his mouth. He took a red crayon from the box and scribbled angry scribbles on his side of the paper as he sucked hard on his paci.

"That's our boy." Jess smiled, coming over, too. "Draw your feelings out."

He took a dark blue and scribbled over the red. Usually Nathan would draw concrete objects instead of abstract, but I guess whatever he was feeling was too messy and confusing to draw with pictures. As Nathan continued to scribble, he became less and less wound up, and more relaxed. He took a deep breath and took his paci out, then looked up at Jess. "Hey, Jess? Thank you... I needed this."

"Of course," Jess kneeled beside him. "Do you wanna talk about why you came in all upset?"

"Uh... I just..." Nathan got quiet. "... I think Danny was right. I'm not doing this for... for me. I'm... I mean, I might be... doing this for my parents?"

"Ohhh, I understand." She nodded. "Would you like to talk about it?"

"Is Danny asleep?"

"No," Danny answered from across the room, "but I'm not judging."

"Are you really?" Nathan asked skeptically.

"Do I lie? About anything? Ever?"

"Oh... well," Nathan stroked his chin for a moment or two, deep in thought, before he spoke again. "Oh, alright. So, you know how I'm studying law? How I'm doing that to take over my father's firm when he retires?"

We nodded.

"Well... that idea has been... I guess, like, imposed on me since I was born. It was what I was born for, practically." He cleared his throat then continued. "Well, I was born and raised on law. My parents only ever..."

"Only ever..." Danny prompted.

"Only ever praised me, and... it's stupid! They only ever were like 'good job! We're proud of you!' when I got high grades in law class and won debates! Did you know that the school I went to had debate clubs and law classes for preschoolers?'"

"Are you kidding me?"

"I'm not, I swear," he put up his right hand. "And... oh, I don't know... law—and my grades, of course—were made to be my entire personality."

"So, what pissed you off?" Danny asked, propping his head up on his hand.

"What upset you?" Jess corrected.

"Well..." he looked around. "... I got an 80 on my last essay."

"That's it?" Danny scoffed.

"I thought you said you wouldn't judge!" Nathan pointed at him.

"An 80 is a B! That's not bad!"

"For me it is!" He huffed, crossing his arms. "I always aim to get 90 or higher. 90 is the bare minimum!"

"Loosen the reins a bit, will you?" Danny sighed and shook his head. "You're being too hard on yourself."

"You would too if your parents only ever loved you when you're perfect!" He shouted.

"My parents—" Danny began to say, but he stopped when he realized...

Was Nathan crying?

I looked over at Danny, who didn't know what to say. "I... I'm sorry, Nathan."

"Who am I, Danny?" He asked, voice shaky and uneven. "Who would I be without my grades?"

"You are a lot, Nathan, good and bad." Danny told him. "We all are."

"I just..."

"I know," Danny got up and walked over to him. "It's hard having parents who don't love and support you for who you are."

"I don't even— I don't even know what I want to do with my life..."

Without warning, he pulled Nathan into a hug. He looked at me, Jess and Zach, and gestured us over.
Without a word from any of us, we got up and joined the hug. We stayed there in silence for I don't know how long.

"Can I be honest with you?" Danny finally said. "I don't want to be a gym teacher."

Nathan backed up to look at him. "Hmm..."

"Don't guess! I'll just tell you." He sighed. "... I'm really into ballet."

"Oh?" Nathan tilted his head. Not in a judgemental way, even, mostly just in curiosity from what I could see.

"And I'm good at it." Danny added. "Great, actually. I took lessons in secret when I was under my parents' care... and god, I loved it."

We all nodded, urging him to continue.

"It's the self-expression of it all, really. I just have so many... feelings? And the only way I can get them out is when... yknow."

"When you're dancing," Jess smiled. "Did you know that this school offers a dance program?"

"It does?" Danny perked up, but as soon as he did, he frowned again. "But I'm so rusty..."

"Oh! Oh!" I raised my hand. "There's a ballet club! Remember? From the school fair?"

"That's right! There is, isn't there?" He took out his phone and searched through it. "Hmm... yes! Here's their email. Do you wanna join too, Nathan?"

"Why me?"

"You're having a lot of feelings. Who knows? Maybe it'll help!"

Nathan thought for a good long while before responding. "Can you maybe... teach me some basics te we join? If I'm going to do this, I want to do this right."

"I can teach you right now if you'd like!" Danny offered. "Anyone else wanna join?"

We all raised our hands.