J

Jacob

Why did I wake up today? I do not know... I did not feel like it, I did not ask for it. Doesn't matter anyway, I can not do anything about it now. The sun had come out recently. It burns my skin. I need to go. I hate going out, especially to school. Should I go by bus or walk, I do not know, it doesn't matter, I will walk. The sun keeps burning, am I in hell? Don't think so... Am I a ghost? It sure feels like it... The school hallways are awful, all the suffering souls of the people who wander around them do not fit. Why do I exaggerate that expression? I do not know but it does not matter anyway. Does something matter in the end? Don't we all die someday? Will I die soon? I hope I go to heaven... Hmmm, I sure hope so. I guess I have to hear... - " HEY, WATCH IT FREAK ! " - great, Jacob bumped into me again.

     - Watch it you little fucker - Jacob shouted at me as always - Are you looking for problems?    

     - I am sorry, Jacob.

I hate him. Why do other people get to dominate someone? Why am I always the one being dominated by others physically and emotionally? Do they all deserve more than me... Why? Why are others so lucky? What is luck anyway? It doesn't matter I guess.

     - I am not done talking to you freak!     

     - I said I was sor...    

      - Silence! - Jacob punched me in the face, amazing, now he is pushing me against a wall - Beg for mercy you little imbecile - great, now humiliation - BEG FOR IT YOU PUNK!

Perfect start for a day, I get publically humiliated, but does anyone care about me, I do not think so, it doesn't bother me then. Something inside me drove me to think that I needed revenge. What is revenge at all? Does revenge deserve the attention it is given? It is entirely impulse-driven. It should not be normalized, but something inside me obligated me to do it, to take revenge. In the end, we are all animals, right? Everyone is instinct-driven, or are they? Who cares? Does it really matter?