Broken But Beautiful

50. The Haunting Reality

Nandini

I love you, Manik.

But I never meant you to know.

Because I knew you'd go stone cold exactly the way you did. I knew your eyes would go grey and blank exactly the way they did. You did exactly what I knew you would do.

You stood up, opened the door and walked away. I heard the door close behind you with a thud, and I shut my eyes, quivering.

My head fell back against the wall, my chest thundering hard and fast against my ribs. Cold and sickly chills covered my entire body, while the tensed sweat beads trickled down my forehead.

I knew you didn't love me, Manik.

That's why you were never supposed to know.

I knew it would come someday. This... withdrawal. I knew Manik, and I knew he wasn't looking for anything near what I had been manifesting somewhere deep inside me for a long, long time. But I was hoping I wouldn't have to go through this withdrawal. Because I was never going to tell him. There were so many times, so many nights in last two and an half months I've thought- what would I do when he goes back?

I knew the answer. I'd give him my biggest smile, hug him the tightest hug, kiss him like it was the end of the time- and then I'd let him go. Just like that.

What I would do after? That, was something I was still working on. That was something I knew I'd have to work on, forever?

But at least the honour of my feelings would be protected around all my broken pieces.

This one beautiful thing of mine- I did not want it broken.

But no. Now was not the time for this.

I took some long, deep breaths. Then sat up straight and wiped sweats and tears away. Manik had just come out of a very disturbing nightmare- in a very disturbing way. None of us needed to deal with anything else right now.

I needed to go to him.

He needed to know it didn't...mean anything. He needed to calm himself down and get some sleep.

I hoisted myself up to my feet.

Manik

I love you, Manik.

She was in love with me.

Nandini Murthy was in 'love' with me?

What was wrong with this girl?

I paced the length of the hallway, again and again and again, as the sweet, gentle voice murmured in my ears 'I love you, Manik' over and over and over again. The honesty and innocence in those three dangerous words and purity in my name in her tongue- there was no denying it. I had heard it. She probably never meant to say it- but she did. In the purest, most innocent moment of confession Nandini Murthy probably had in her entire life.

Ask me how I knew it?

I didn't know. I shouldn't know.

And Nandini Murthy definitely should not be in love with me.

How...how could she? Just after what happened?

My pacing never ceased, neither did the amount of feelings thickening in a density where it was hard to breath.

What feelings, Manik?

Anger. Frustration. Disappointment.

On her, or to your own self?