Ride or Die | Lando Norris (ENGLISH)

39

– Melly?! I'm back! – I heard Norris's cheerful voice spreading throughout my apartment in Monaco. I didn't have the strength to get out of bed. Mentally. Since I had a miscarriage and went back to work, I lived like a programmed robot. I flew from session to session, came home and slept. Me and Lando slowly pulled away from each other. I felt it. And I also knew it was entirely because of me. I rejected him when he tried his hardest to help me. But I didn't need his help. I couldn't watch him smile for the cameras while I was barely able to cope with despair.

– Baby... – he began with a sigh as he crossed the threshold of the bedroom. He left his suitcase from Woking in the corner of the room and sat on the bed, brushing my hair. I didn't want to go there with him. I didn't want to stay in a house where we had to assemble children's furniture. – Do you still want to go to Qatar with me? – he asked gently, placing a kiss on my cheek.

I rolled my eyes. He obviously wanted to get rid of me. I wasn't surprised. Always in a bad mood and crying spells wasn't something he needed while working. However, it hurt me that he wanted to leave me alone again.

– Why? You don't want to put up with my humor? I can stay here. You don't need me there anyway – I snorted, wiping a tear running down my cheek. I was secretly glad that I was lying with my back to him.

– Melanie, you know that I want the best for you. If you look like you're there as a punishment when you're with me all the time, people will start asking questions that we definitely don't want to answer – he said with a hint of irritation in his voice. Even though I couldn't see his face, I knew he was rolling his eyes. This wasn't the first such quarrel.

– So I shouldn't go anywhere with you because I'm going through the loss of our child? – I growled, turning to face him. His jaw was clenched as he studied my face. – How can you smile for the cameras when I cry all day alone in my apartment?! – I shouted, sniffling.

– You know what? I'm sick of it! – he growled, getting up from his seat. – I'm asking you if you'll be with me in Qatar because Pietra wanted to visit you in Monaco. You haven't seen each other for two months. Same with Amelie. You cut yourself off from everyone, even though most of them don't even know what it's about! I'm constantly having to explain that you're either not feeling well or you're busy! – he paced nervously around the room while I watched his actions with my jaw clenched, crying and wrapping my arms around my body. – I love you, Melly. I love you so much, but while you cry into your pillow for days, I don't sleep at night, thinking about what I did wrong to lose this baby and what should I do to help you get back to yourself after that – he sighed as the tears flowed down his cheeks. I saw the damn desperation in his eyes as he sat hunched on the edge of the bed, as far away from me as possible.

He gave up.

I wasn't surprised at all. He didn't have it easy with me because I didn't feel like having anything close to him other than a little kisses since we lost our baby, but he wasn't perfect either. He thought I didn't know about his trips to nightclubs and drinking alcohol until he was totally wasted after trainings in Italy and Japan. He always turned off his phone, but his assistant, Charlotte or Jon, always reported to me what he was doing, and I was so damn grateful. They were both the only ones from his work environment who were aware of the reason for his behavior.

– We should break up. At least for a while – these words escaped my lips involuntarily, drawing his attention. His face was pale and his eyes red from crying and lack of sleep, stared at me as if I had stuck a dagger into his heart. Because that's how it was.

– No – he said firmly as his breathing became shallower. He started to panic. I closed my eyes, unable to watch the breakdown of the person I had feelings for. I felt his hands on mine as he desperately tried to make me look at him. – We can't do this, do you understand? Not after everything that's happened to us, Melly. Don't do this to me, please. I love you – he murmured, running a trembling hand through my hair. Tears flowed from his eyes as mine stared at the necklace he gave me. I always wore it, just like he wore his bracelet.

– Sometimes love is not enough, Lan – I whispered. I couldn't look at him. I couldn't watch my loved one suffer.

– Fine – he muttered, sniffing. I looked up as I felt the cold. He pulled away from me, wiping the tears from his cheeks. He was putting on a damn mask. He wanted to hide his feelings like he used to do. The old, cold and arrogant Lando was back. I felt it. – If that's what you want, fine – he growled, rising from the bed. He didn't even want to look at me, which made me feel an uncomfortable knot in my stomach.

– Lando... – I started, almost crashing onto the floor when I wanted to quickly untangle myself from the sheets to stop him from leaving my apartment.

– Let's give it some time, Melanie – he replied as he tried to grab the suitcase handle, but I grabbed it first and hid it behind my body. Norris looked at my face with a sigh, biting the inside of my cheek.

– I love you, Lan. I want you to remember that – I whispered, not holding back the tears. This couldn't be the end of us.

– I love you too, Melly – Lando breathed, wrapping his arms around my body. I immediately snuggled into his body as he placed his chin on my head. Crying, I listened to the uneven beating of his heart.

– I'll talk to Pietra – I mumbled as I moved my head away from his chest to focus on his face.

– Okay – he nodded in understanding. – You still have the keys to our house in Woking. Go there and meet with P. You'll rest a little – he added quietly, biting his lip. I felt so fucking bad about it all. I looked at his raspberry lips that I missed so much. I had to taste them then. This could be the last time. I moved my face closer to his, slowly tasting his tear-salted lips. This kiss was full of regret and suffering. I didn't want to finish it, but we had to at some point. After a dozen or so minutes, Norris pulled away from me, placing one last kiss on my forehead.

– Take care of yourself, please – he muttered, grabbing the handle of his suitcase. With a sigh, he looked around and simply left, leaving me alone in the apartment with my stupid thoughts. I regretted it so damn much. I wanted to run after him and show him how much I love him, but I knew it wouldn't be a good solution. We would be fine for a few days at most, and then everything would return to our last normality, constant fights.

I lied on my bed crying, looking through our vacation photos. Yes, I wanted to push myself even harder. I finally saw a photo of me smoking a cigarette. This was before we were even together. I was standing outside the club with Jennie, smoking and smiling into my phone, while Lando was behind me making stupid faces. I had an idea. That's why a few minutes later I was standing on the balcony, staring at the starry sky, smoking cigarettes bought in a local store. Suddenly, my phone beeped a few times, drawing my gaze to the stars.

Charles Leclerc

Are you smoking again?
Are you okay, Mels?

Could be better, Charles

I finally looked down to see Leclerc staring at his bright phone, dressed in running clothes. Our eyes met as I blew smoke from my mouth. The corners of his mouth slightly lifted as I received another message from him, but also from Amelie. I looked back at him, but he was gone.

Charles Leclerc

I'll drop by tomorrow night before I fly out
You've been avoiding me for too long

I rolled my eyes. Maybe that's what I was missing?

Ams

Lando is currently crying and shouting to Carlos on the phone
He says you two broke up
What's going on with you?
I'm tired of treating you like a porcelain doll
We need to talk, Melanie
I'll be there tomorrow morning and I don't care if you're busy or not :)

I sighed loudly, locking my phone. I didn't want to hurt Lando. I really didn't want to. I hoped it was only temporary. That he will finally explain it to himself, that for now it is the best solution.

If we are truly made for each other, fate will eventually bring us together.