Cool and Ironic Homestuck Fanfics/Oneshots

It's Only Sex - HS^2 Davekat

A/N: This is set in Homestuck 2. If I get any details wrong it's because I haven't read Homestuck or Homestuck 2, lol. This fic is mostly if not completely made to upset my Karkat friend :3

Dave is sitting on his couch, watching patiently as Karkat paces around the loungeroom.
"Ok. So. Fuck- uh. I've been thinking. And I know we probably should have discussed this ages ago but I never know when the right time is?? And you'll probably laugh at me-"
"I'm not going to laugh at you."
"-Ok. Well. I was wondering. Should we try. Uh. Fuck this is hard."
"Spit it out, you're scaring me!"
"Daveshouldwetryhavingsex??!"
"I didn't catch that."
"Dave. Should we try. Fuck. Having sex.?"
Karkat flinches, afraid Dave will make fun of him, but when he gets no response he looks at Dave and notices how his boyfriend has frozen still.
"Dave-? What's going on?"
Dave stands up and turns around, swiftly walking to his bedroom and closing the door behind him.
Karkat rubs the back of his neck. What the fuck? What is he doing?
He wanders over to the door and opens it, walking in and finding Dave gone and the door to the bathroom shut.
Fuck. He did something wrong, didn't he?
"Dave? What's going on? What did I do wrong? I'm sorry! I didn't mean to do anything to upset you!"
Karkat knocks on the door and hears Dave quietly scrambling away from him.
"Dave seriously, what's going on? You're freaking me out!"

Dave can hear his boyfriend knocking. He's pressed against the wall opposite the door, sat down with his chest pressed against his knees.
Karkat wouldn't hurt him. He knows it. He does. So why is this happening?? There are silent tears streaming down his face and he's biting down hard on his hand to hold back whimpers.
He didn't think he'd react like that. He's supposed to be the calm one in this relationship. He can't break down like this, Karkat needs him. He can't let Karkat see him like this. Ever.
In a shaky voice Dave spits out the words,
"Go away!"
It's more aggressive then he intends for it to be. He can almost see the face Karkat's making, that hurt and surprised expression he gets when someone lashes out at him.
When Dave hears Karkat sniff and shuffle away, he takes his hand out of his mouth and starts sobbing.
He buries his face into his knees and his whole body shakes and heaves, as he's no longer able to stifle the panic that he felt when Karkat said that dreaded fucking sentence.
He cries like this for almost an hour, sometimes so hard he wretches and has to take deep breaths so he doesn't throw up.
He really thought he'd be able to keep it together if this conversation ever rose up, but he didn't. And now Karkat would be guilty for ages and it was all his fault.

Karkat has been sitting in the loungeroom for almost four hours now, watching some romcom that he'd seen a million times already, trying desperately not to cry.
What had he done? What could have made Dave freak out like that? How had this never come up before? How had Karkat neglected to talk to Dave so much that he didn't know this would happen?
Karkat decides it's time to check on Dave. He can't let him sit on the bathroom floor any longer. Whatever he had done wrong, he is determined to make up for it.
He pauses his movie and gets to his feet, staying still for a second to be sure he isn't shaking. This time, he needs to be the calm one.
He walks slowly into their bedroom, and knocks on the bathroom door again.
No response.
"Dave? Please talk to me. You need to come out. I can leave you alone, but you at least can't sit on the floor anymore."
No response, again.
Karkat gets worried again. Why would Dave not respond?
He listens at the door for a second, and hears light snoring.
Thank gog, he's just asleep.
Karkat opens the door, and slowly walks in, kneeling down in front of Dave.
"Babe. Wake up, you can't sleep here."

When Dave groggily opens his still-damp eyes, Karkat is sitting over him.
He jolts awake and tries to pull away, but he's already pressed against he wall and has no room to move.
"Don't touch me!"
Karkat immediately gets up and moves away.
"I'm sorry!"
Dave rubs his eyes and takes a deep breath before standing up.
"Can we talk about this in my room?"
"Yeah. Of course-"
"Thanks"
Karkat goes into Dave's room and sits on his bed, Dave sitting down opposite him. Dave flinches when Karkat moves his hand towards him, and his eyes well up with tears again.
"Dave please talk to me, you're scaring me."
Tears are rolling down Dave's cheeks again at this point, and he vigorously rubs his eyes, frowning, eyebrows furrowed.
"Sorry- fuck- I'm so sorry..."
"No- you don't have to be sorry, I just want to know what happened? What did I say..? Did I- did I do something wrong?"
"No! No- obviously we were gonna have this conversation eventually..."
"I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable though!!"
Dave looks at Karkat now, staring at his boyfriends concerned expression, and he takes a deep shaky breath.
"Karkat- I don't- I don't know if I'll ever have sex. Like. Ever."
Karkat's eyes widen a little, but he looks slightly less confused.
"Obviously I'd never want you to do anything you don't want to, Dave! I wouldn't ever try and... force. Anything on you."
"You don't want to know why?"
"You don't owe me an explanation. Of course, if you want me to know, I'm always willing to hear it."
"Um. I don't know... if I can go into detail. Not yet. But. It's from when I lived with Bro."
Karkat immediately looks horrified and his eyes fill with rage.
"I," Karkat takes a deep breath, trying not to say something about hoping Bro is suffering for eternity in human hell, "I'm sorry if you felt like you couldn't tell me. I want you to feel safe here, always."
Dave rubs his eyes again, drying whatever tears are left on his face.
"Of course I feel safe with you. I never thought I'd react like that... but I guess it makes sense since I never exactly had time to figure my own shit out before having to save the world or whatever."
Karkat giggles, happy that Dave is at least beginning to feel less awful, but then gets off the bed and grabs his pillow.
"I'll go back to my room tonight, if you want. I understand if you don't wanna be touched."
He turns, but looks back at Dave when he feels him grab the back of his shirt.
"Please don't leave."
"Oh! Ok!"
Karkat sits back down, and Dave sits close to him, leaning on his shoulder.
"What do you want for dinner tonight?"
"Anything but that disgusting shit you humans eat."
"Kraft Mac N' Cheese?"
"Oh gog even the name makes me feel sick."
"Then who ate all the packs of it."
"I don't know what they put in that ungogly concoction."
"Karkat."
"I'm sorry. I can't stop."