Cuts and Bruises

Chapter 1

"Wala kaming problema ni Karylle."

"Nakatutok nanaman sa atin ang mga tao. Yan ang gusto niyo, 'yung nagkakagulo kami rito."

"Okay kami. Mga issue kayo."

Hindi ko alam kung saan niya kinukuha ang lakas ng loob to say these things on national television.

Kailan pa kami nawalan ng problema?

Kailan pa kami naging okay?

I smiled at the camera while trying to hide all these thoughts and the pain of hearing all his lies. Ito na yata ang pinaka-nakakatawang joke na nasabi niya sa loob ng ilang taon naming pagiging magkatrabaho.

He knows me when we're on stage, pero pagtalikod sa camera— para akong hangin na hindi niya nakikita.

He pulled me closer and to make his statement more convincing in the eye of our audience, inakbayan niya ako.

Ganito naman kami lagi.

He always acts as if I'm one of his friends who matters to him— na para bang isa ako sa mga kaibigan niyang he can't leave without.

Hindi ako si Anne. Hindi ako si Vhong o si Jhong— hindi ako kasinghalaga ng kahit na sino sa loob ng studio na 'to. With or without me, walang mababago.

Anne puts her hand behind me, secretly rubbing my back. She probably knows what's inside me. Sigurado akong ramdam niya ang nagbabadya kong pagkabasag.

"Yung iba naman, nakikisawsaw. Para ano? Para umingay ang pangalan? Uy, trending ka na. Happy?"

Everyone knows who he is reffering to. Sa sobrang daming nangyari kahapon, marami rin ang nagbigay ng kaliwa't kanang opinyon— and that includes those who were once part of this family.

I remained silent as I bit my tongue to stop myself from breaking. I can feel my hands trembling. Pakiramdam ko, ilang minuto na lang ay mabibitawan ko na ang mic na kanina ko pa gustong ipukpok sa kaniya.

"We are okay. Pinuntahan ko siya sa dressing room niya kanina to apologize and she told me I didn't have to kasi wala namang problema. Kayo talaga. Ginagawan niyo kami ng issue. 2023 na huy! Gising!"

Lies after lies. The last time he went to my dressing room was year 2014— that was also the last time we talked peacefully.

"Eonnie!"

I was catching my breath when I heard Anne's voice behind me. Hindi ako agad nakalingon dahil sa pagod— pagod sa pagtakbo at pag-iwas. Right after he said all his lies to save himself from the media, sinimulan agad nila yung segment while I ran away to also save myself from drowning.

"K, are you okay?" nakatalikod ako sa kaniya, but I nodded my head as response. "I'm sorry about what happened,"

Bakit 'yung tao pang walang kasalanan ang kayang humingi ng tawad? How come it's easy for her to apologize, but it's hard for Vice?

"Anne, hindi naman ikaw ang dahilan kung bakit kami nagkakaganito." inipon ko lahat ng natitirang lakas sa katawan ko para mabuksan ang pinto ng dressing room. "I'm okay. Hindi mo kailangang mag-alala,"

Anne went inside my dressing room. This woman. Alam kong hindi nanaman niya ako titigilan, unless I tell her the truth.

"Your hands were trembling. Kanina ka pa wala sa sarili tapos you're telling me, you're okay? Karylle naman."

"Anne, I have to be okay. Wala naman akong choice e." awa ang nakikita ko sa mga mata niya. "If I chose to speak and refute everything that he said on national television, maaayos ba lahat? Hindi naman diba? It would just make the situation even worse."