my beach boy

Summer 2021

I still keep thinking about him.

Not knowing when we said goodbye

Should I happen to meet him?

I need someone to hold me. I just want to feel it the last time, like for the first time. His like a drug, you want to quit, but can't say goodbye. You know that it'll be with you no matter where you're going.

He never needed me. I didn't need him either. But we were both desperate for love. We wanted to have fun. We were looking for it, were afraid lose it, were afraid to show it, so we never did. There on the beach, in the sun, I was holding your hand to show you my love, because I knew that it was the goodbye time. I knew that it was the only moment to show myself. But I didn't have time to show myself, my love... Then we both disappeared.

When we were going home I was sick you were silent, absorbed by your mind. I felt like this ride will last forever, that someday I'll have a chance to be in your arms again. But I was wrong, from that time we stopped existing for each other. We both knew that there is no time, no time for love, for us. As we left that place, we left each other. As we lost that place, because of the war, we lost each other.

He didn't love me, I didn't love him either but we loved that place. It was the only place where our love was possible. We found each other in that beach house and lost at the same time...

That time I understood that "love is very fragile, I wish I had it not just for vacation, but for real and for forever.

I met you after that summer, but it was different. It was fake because I said good bye to you by the beach, holding your hand that summer...

And I was right. We never held each other hands ever again since that summer.

I hope you'll never forget that black waters and long waves. The way we were swimming together, you holding me in the water. Then we lie on the beach, playing chess, always afraid to say something inappropriate, something real, because parents were with us. I hope one day we'll say things that we wanted and needed to be said.

Summer 2021 will always be in my mind, in my heart and a little bit in you I hope...