forever & always | b.e

Did I take it too far? | 009

- A L A N A -

"That was actually a wild move, Lana." Olivia giggles as I finish telling her about what I did when Billie came to my house. "Gotta make her miss what she had somehow." I shrug. "I still have hope for you guys." Liv sighs. "So do I, but should I?" I say.

"I mean, you guys were super in love, so I guess so." She shrugs her shoulders. "I still love her, Liv." I sigh sadly. "I know you do, Lan. Why don't you just try and make things right? I definitely know that she'll want to after what you did last night to her." She laughs. "I'm gonna be so honest, I wanted to let her in so she could fuck me when I saw her biting her lip like that." I say shamelessly.

"Ew, I forgot how horny you two are together." Liv grimaces. "Okay, but have you seen Billie?" I say. "That's fair." She nods. "Alright, but back off." I warn her and she puts her hands up in defense. "I'm straight, calm yourself." She rolls her eyes.

"Anyways, are you seeing her today?" She asks. "Sadly." I sigh. "What happened to you loving her?" She laughs. "I still do, it's just hard to see her and I know she's gonna pull some shit after yesterday." I scoff. "Like what?" She furrows her eyebrows.

"I don't know. She'll probably act like nothing happened or be an asshole to get back at me, some shit like that." I shrug. "That makes sense, I guess." She says. "Alright, well I gotta go. I have errands and shit to run." She sighs. "Aw, okay." I say.

She gets up and hugs me. "I love you, Lan. Let me know how it goes with her." She says. "I will. I love you too." I tell her. She smiles and walks out of my room to leave my house.

I'm absolutely dreading seeing Billie, but I have to. Steve said we need more photos for the paps, so I have no choice but to listen.

I wish shit was different.

~

I get in my car and start driving to Billie's house. We're just going out for a little bit, so hopefully I don't have to spend a ton of time with her.

I get to her house and text her that I'm here because I don't wanna have to go inside.

She comes outside and gets in my car. "Hey." She says. "Hi." I say back. I shouldn't have done that stupid shit yesterday, now it's probably gonna be awkward between us. I was just being petty.

"Um, how are you?" She asks. "I'm alright." I say as I start driving again. "That's good." She says.

"Yup." I answer dryly. "You gonna ask me how I am?" She cocks an eyebrow. "Nope." I respond.

"You're so fucking petty, you know that?" She rolls her eyes. "Oh yeah, and I have a fat ass too, but you already know that since you looked like you were really enjoying the view yesterday." I say to piss her off. "Nah, it's just alright." She shrugs. "Oh, really? Because when we were still dating, you seemed to think differently." I smirk.

"I can't recall that, must've never happened." She smiles sarcastically. "Aw, but it did." I say. "Aw, but it didn't." She mocks me. "Mock me again, I fucking dare you." I scoff. "And what will you do if I do?" She asks with a smug smile. "Don't fucking test me, Eilish." I say to her. "I can and I will because you're a fucking pussy." She says.

"You wanna say that again?" I ask, clenching my jaw. She sighs and crosses her arms. "No." She answers. "That's what I thought." I say.

"You've still got that bitchy attitude, huh?" She smirks. "Oh, Billie, it never went away." I say.

"Mhm, I can see that." She says, looking me up and down. "Look the fuck away or I'm driving you back home." I tell her. "Damn, Williams, are you on your never ending period?" She laughs. "You're so fucking lucky I'm driving right now because if I wasn't, I'd fucking beat your ass." I roll my eyes. "Oh yeah?" She says. "Yeah." I say.

"Nah, you'd never lay a finger on your precious baby. You know you still think of me that way, huh?" She says sarcastically with another smug smile. "I mean, unless it was to fuck me, but you've already experienced that, haven't you?" She smirks.

This banter is turning me the fuck on right now.

Ew, Alana, stop it.

"Oh yeah, I have. You remember all the nights you were moaning my name, begging me to go faster? I know you do." I smirk and her face turns bright red. "Uh, I don't remember that." She gulps. "Oh, I think you do." I let out a low laugh. "God, fuck you, Alana." She groans. "Yeah, exactly that." I chuckle.

"You're the pettiest bitch I know." She rolls her eyes. "Oh, so I'm a bitch now?" I ask. "Yeah, you're acting like a little bitch right now and it's fucking annoying." She tells me. "Good, that's my goal." I say with a proud smile. "Why the fuck are you like this?" She asks. "You have a lot of nerve to say that because yesterday I said the same exact thing to you because you were being a fucking dick to me." I tell her.

"And I apologized!" She sighs. "Oh, I know, but I like hearing you beg. It's so pathetic and it's even funnier because you actually do it." I laugh.

"Stop fucking calling me pathetic." She says. "No, because that's what you are." I say. "Yeah, Alana, maybe it's because you didn't fucking say it back." She mumbles. "Say what back?" I furrow my eyebrows. "It doesn't matter anymore." She says. "Billie, what did I not say?" I ask again. "Just fucking leave it, Alana! I'm done trying when you don't even care about me anymore." She shakes her head.

"W-what? That's not true." I say. "You didn't say 'I love you' back and you always say it back, even when we weren't together. You do this shit to be petty all the time because I've messed up before, but I've always tried to make it right, but you make it impossible! I'm trying, Alana. You're so stuck on some stupid grudge when I'm trying my best to fix what I did and you say you want me again, but then you don't even bother with me." She says, looking at me with hurt in her eyes.

"B-Billie, I'm.. I'm sorry. I've just been going through a lot." I sigh. "Yeah, so have I, but I don't make it a fucking excuse for everything and treat people like shit because of it!" She says. "You've changed, Alana. You're not the same person I fell in love with." She tells me.

Her words make my heart drop.

Have I really taken it this far?

I always blamed it on her, but maybe this really is my fault.

She's right, I'm the one who left.

That was the worst decision I've ever made in my life.

holly speaks 🤍

i almost started crying writing this 👍🏻