The Perfect Suicide Plan (Luke Hemmings) #Wattys2016

How it All Began

My final Journal Entry

For the last few months of my life I've been lying to myself. I tricked myself into believing that I was getting back at people who never gave me a second glance but I wasn't, I was falling in love with them. Slowly shedding my old skin and fitting into their idea of who Alex Anderson should be. People suck. All they care about is themselves, they say they love you but they don't back up their words. I wish I could have been born different to a family that loves so I could have the perfect fairytale life. But I wasn't. And I can't go on like this any more. This is my official suicide note, but before I go I have a few final things I want the following people to know:

Mom

You're a shitty mother. I am finally relieving you of your duty to take care of me. I wasn't making things up, he still does it too. Whenever you leave us home alone. You never listened to me. You still don't listen to me. All you ever wanted me to be is this perfect blueprint of a daughter. I could never be that girl. I was with him instead of you.

You make good muffins though.

Avery

Fuck you. To say 'go to hell' would be to good for you. I hope that Satan himself has a fallen angel that will personally create a place just for a piece of shit brother like you.

Calum

You're a true friend. You always made me feel normal and stood up for me when no one else would. I'm sorry if you are hurt by me doing this-it's not personal.

Go after Alaina. Stop settling for shit girls.

Alaina

I'm glad I can end my life with us being friends. I've always been jealous of you. You have so many guys that adore you on top of the millions of YouTube followers you have. You ARE beautiful stop being so insecure. I swear to God if you undergo any surgery to morph the way you look I will rise from the dead and kill you.

Ashton doesn't deserve you, NOTICE CALUM

Luke

I really fell in love with you. I'm not sure if I was just a toy to you but I hope our relationship meant something to you too. When I first met you my only intention was to break your heart but you were so good to me, my plans changed.  I didn't want to love you but it was almost like I couldn't help it, I even convinced myself at some point that we were made for each other. 

I can't believe how wrong I was. I should've listened to my gut after the first time I went out with you. You know what the worst part is about being in love with you? I can't hate you. Every time I think of the bad things, I remember your smile, the way your cheeks dimple when you do. The way you bite your lip whenever you go into deep thought. The way you look at me with those big blue eyes and I believe everything is going to be alright.

Honestly I blame myself for letting you get in my head. I hope one day you realize how fucked up it was to pretend you love me and let me fall for you. 

Remember that girl in the mall you ran into that one day? Probably not, that was me- the me before I got pretty. Isn't it messed up how you never gave me a second glance until I got hot, despite I was always the exact same person?  

3 months before...

I'm suicidal, there I said it. But it's not a bad thing it just means I no longer want to grace the people of earth with my presence. Not that any of them are smart enough to acknowledge my grace anyways.