WASTED AWAY // SANDRAY

DRAFTS

Ray opened his eyes and the world was a blur. He shook his head, trying to find focus. He concentrated on the dimly lit street corner, the filthy gutters and the small broken bottle of vodka near his feet. The vodka had leaked in a pool on the road and a pungent aroma had wafted up from it.

Suddenly, Ray felt an inexplicable calm come over him. He smiled in satisfaction and breathed in the stillness of the night. He had been running away from his past for years, but the stillness reassured him that his escape was nearly complete.

He took off his tattered shoes and ambled steadily across the street in a drunken stupor. He was mildly aware of his inner turmoil, but he resisted the urge to think by taking swigs from his pocket bottle of vodka. The burning liquor streamed down his throat and he savored the numbness that followed.

He continued walking, his eyes half-closed, feeling the warmth of the streetlight on his skin. He suddenly realized he had walked right into a dead end and stumbled on the broken pavement. He had reached the end of the road.

Enveloped in complete silence, Ray realized he had no destination, no journey to complete and the numerous stops he had made in his life had availed him nothing. He had no home and here he lay, splayed out on the pavement, reaching the end of his fragile existence.

He had embraced the world as a blur and this is what it had yielded.

Ray had been drinking for hours. The days were a blur to him and with each shot his hold on reality loosened. It was an old familiar feeling, one of comfort and undeserved comfort at that. He felt relieved that he could drink himself to oblivion, if only for a while. He knew it was a habit he should break, but he found solace in the liquid fire drowning his senses. The world was a blur and Ray liked it that way.

It started small, a glass of wine here and there. Then progressed to whiskey and beer, until now he found himself lost in a truly self destructive path. The liquor coursed through his veins like a poison, and yet he kept drinking. He preferred the numbness to any amount of feeling. Ray knew he couldn't go on like this forever, but it seemed easier to drift into a world of uncertainty than to confront the reality of his life.

The smell of his own downfall slowly filled the room, a stark reminder of the life he had forged. The scent reminded him of all the regret and heartache he had endured this past year. All the mistakes he had made and all the pain his loved ones had endured because of him. His palms were sweaty, and his heart heavy, but Ray kept drinking on, hoping the numbing effects of the alcohol would help him forget, if only temporarily, the consequences of his own actions.

As he slowly descended into an inebriated slumber, Ray hoped tomorrow would be different. He longed for a better life, but he knew it wouldn't come from a bottle. He needed to finally look himself in the mirror and take responsibility for his actions. Ray wanted to move forward, but he knew it would take courage and strength he had yet to find.

The world was a blur and Ray liked it that way, but he needed to find a way out of his self destructive habits if he ever wanted to have a better life.

Ray stumbled into the bar for what felt like the hundredth time that month. He kept his head down, ignoring the judgmental looks from the strangers around him as he made his way towards the corner of the room. He was quickly greeted by his familiar friend - the alluring brown bottle of whiskey. He was so welcomed in its embrace - Ray could feel the familiarity - an attempt to numb the reality and fill the void he felt within himself with the sweet, burning liquor.

He kept drinking until the world was a blur - until the overwhelming feelings of disappointment and regret faded away - until he felt nothing at all. The numbness was calming, and Ray welcomed the comfort.

He stumbled out of the bar, muttering inebriated words under the tip of his tongue. He was confused and unable to distinguish his surroundings, whether it was a realiy of something he's made for himself. As the strong scent of cigarettes, booze, and vomit filled his nostrils, he could detect a faint yet familiar smell. He took the moment in, embracing the source of the scent and found some solace in it.

Ray couldn't remember the last time he had felt this way - like he was in control. He had a choice - he could stay in this peaceful state of not feeling or he could start over. He stayed there for what felt like minutes, and he debated in his own head between his two options.

After some time, Ray slowly pushed himself off the wall and started to walk away. He had chosen his path - he had chosen the future. From the corner of his eye, Ray could make out the blurred, disappointed faces of the strangers that stood around him. He had made his choice and for him, there was no turning back.

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AN: I hope you guys look forward to my book. These paragraphs are a little insight on what my story is about. I will public a few chapters later on- i won't say when though cuz im jot too sure when ill be finished.