H.S | When The Flash Fades | First book

Chapter 6. Overthinking

Be proud, you survived the days you thought you couldn't.
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You wake up in your own bed with Sam. You had a whole movie night with him. He has missed you. You didn't really have any friends before meeting One direction. Other than Sam. So now that you are using most of your time getting to know the boys. You are not seeing Sam as much. You kinda feel bad.

Sam - okay, so what flowers should I give? Because it needs to be like "we are not in a relationship but we are not just friends either" type of flowers...you know?

Flowers...Harry gave you flowers. Harry. You smile.

Sam - I like red roses the best but I feel like that might be too much.

Was it too much..when you kissed him in front of all of those people. He did say they probably didn't know him. You also just had a whole speech about boys and girls being able to be friends and then you kiss your friend. So stupid.

Sam - I also know that I definitely don't want to be in a relationship. But I told him that. I just don't want to be sending mixed signals you know?

Mixed signals..."just friends" maybe you are playing games with him. Which was never the intention. You just don't want to end up broken-hearted. Plus he is going on tour in like 1,5 months. If he keeps acting like this, there is only one possible end result and that is...

Sam - falling deeply in love. Would never! Awful! Omg makes me vomit in my mouth! Hate that. I think I might be like polly...

Love. That shit, has always been so...

Sam - complicated. Should i wear this one or this..? Because this one is more comfy, safe and familiar. But this is new, colorful and risky?

You have probably never really seen or felt how good love actually could feel. The only love you know is a toxic and abusive version. Where it feels like walking on eggshells. A mix of intense highs and crushing lows. The love was possessive, controlling, and often full of fear. Despite moments of affection, it was a distorted version of love that leaves scars and a sense of helplessness. Breaking free is one of the hardest things you have had to do. It took an immense amount of courage, but it's the only way to find a healthier, happier love. The "real" love you would want. You can't go through that again.

Sam - oh my are you okay? Did I say something?

You look a bit confused around. You kind of like blacked out. Fully forgot where you were.

You - umm, yeah sorry. I'm fine.

Then you realize your cheeks are wet. You are crying.

Sam - I can stay home...if you want. I don't have to go out tonight. Is it Carl?

You wipe your face and put on a smile.

You - oh stop it! Don't be silly! Ofc, you are going out! I'm so totally fine!

You smile.

You - i don't even know what i was thinking of. I didn't even realize I was crying.

You laugh. He just looks at you seeing right through you.

Sam - I know you are not. But that's okay. You will be. Maybe you should invite somebody over? It's always better to not be alone.

He smiles and sits beside you on the bed.

Sam - can't you invite your new friends over. They haven't seen your place. You could show them.

You nod and stand up.