Beyond Death

Death of Dignity

Envy

My Dearest Elijah,

By the time you read this, I will already be far away. I am painfully aware of how despicable it is to run out on our wedding day, even more so to leave without speaking to you; I am afraid I lack the courage to look into your eyes.

You are the kindest man I know and you have done nothing but treat me with courtesy and respect. You are the best fiancée a lady could ask for and I will forever be grief stricken to know you are not my husband. You are better than I deserve, I know this, however I can not move on with my life in good conscience without following my heart.

I know my parents believe me to be insane but I know Charles' death was no accident and I will find out what happened to him, even if it kills me.

I do not know what awaits me in America, nor how long I will be there but I do not expect you to wait for me. You know as well as I do that you are one of the most eligible gentlemen in London and you deserve a wife who loves you. A wife that will support you through all your troubles and care for you with all her heart. I'm afraid I am too selfish to claim that role.

Even though our marriage was not to be, and I am sure you will have a difficult time forgiving me, you have always been my truest friend. Every moment we shared, I will remember with fondness.

You will forever be in my heart,

[Name].

The blood coloured wine ran down his throat, his mouth now numb to the fruity and bitter burn as it fell down into his empty stomach. Elijah didn't bother with a glass anymore, gripping the neck of the glass bottle as his strained eyes ran over the papers in front of him.

Nearly three months and not a word from [Name].

He'd lost count of how many times he had read over the letter, the words practically burned into his skull. Each word, letter, and syllable had to be analysed for a message or an oddity, anything to indicate a message or mistake. Hope was a frayed rope in his hands and with each passing day, it was slipping, tearing... until he had no choice but to fall into the cliffside of despair.

She wouldn't leave him. She would not leave him without a single word, throwing only a short letter as an explanation. As if that would ease the storm inside him. Surely his [Name] wasn't as cruel to abandon him - abandon all they had and should have - with no more than hurried strokes to a parchment. That was not the girl he knew.

So, for nearly three months Elijah let the letter haunt him, reading it every spare moment he had, reciting it before he fell into restless sleep. He told himself something was missing, comforting himself with the delusions he spun in his head.

But the parchment was losing her scent and the wine was slowly drying up - only fools suffered eternally in hells of their own making, and Elijah was no fool.

A knock on his office door ripped him from his thoughts, grunting an allowance to enter. Jerome opened the door, concern wrinkling his old eyes as he entered the room. Usually, Elijah would hold his composure but without her, did it really matter?

"Lord and Lady Sterling have arrived, my lord."

"I'll be down shortly."