The Fourth Quarter Quell

Chapter Three

Katniss's POV

After hanging up the phone, I stop by my room before leaving to go get the kids from Haymitch's house. As I try to find my jacket in my dresser drawers, I pause to look at my small collection of belongings. There are only a few things, but they're all of equal importance to me. My fingers toy with the pearl that Peeta gave me in the seventy-fifth hunger games; then I drag them over to the picture frame holding a portrait of Peeta and I on our wedding day. I miss everything about him; his smile, his laugh, the way he would play with our kids. But most of all, I miss how every word he said to me was loving and made me feel better about the horrible person that I have become. Things were just starting to become normal when he died. His panic attacks were appearing less and less, and my nightmares only happened every once in awhile. We were broken, but we were slowly piecing eachother back together. When he died, I became broken all over again. This time, Peeta wasn't there to put me back together. He will never be just a thing of the past to me.

I shake the thoughts from my mind, just as I have to do everyday. I jog down the stairs and out the door, knowing that I need to save my children from whatever god-forsaken words are coming out of Haymitch's mouth. I walk through the town, sheilding myself from the camera crews because they're most likely looking for me. When I make it to Haymitch's house, I immeadiately hear screaming coming from inside the walls.

Reluctantly, I open the door, "Don't you see what she's doing Haymitch? She's sending kids off to their deaths!" Rue screams, "How could she inflict on them what they did to her?" I pause in the doorway.

Haymitch moves to the kitchen doorway and screams back, "Don't you dare talk about your mother that way!" He pauses, seeing me for the first time, "And if you're going to say it, say it to her face." His gaze does not move from mine until I break it, turning my head to look at Rue.

"Mom," Rue stutters, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to hear that. I was just... angry." Angry. She sounds like me when I was her age.

"I know, Rue. It's okay. You're sixteen and you have a right to your own oppinion," I reply in a monotone fashion. She lowers her head, knowing that she has most likely disappointed me in some way. But she hasn't. She never disappoints me. I would have felt the exact same way if I was never entered in the games. But I was, and that changes everything.

"Katniss..." Effie says hestitantly, standing by Haymitch's side, "Why did you say yes?"

"I..." I know what I'm about to say, but I pause knowing that Rue is in the room. I try to hide as much of my previous life that I can from her, but it seems that it will all be out in the open soon. "Rue honey," I continue, "Will you go find your brother? I need to talk to just the adults for a second." Rue turns to go, but then stops dead in her tracks, turning to look at me.

"No, Mom, I'm sorry. I need to be part of this discussion. You can't leave me in the dark anymore," she says. She's not wrong, but that doesn't make the situation any better.

"I said yes because I was the one that started this whole mess in the first place. It's the least I can do to try to save a few children from being sent to their deaths," I say. All of this is my fault. Every death for the last twenty- five years in the arena has been my fault.

Rue, with a confused look on her face, says, "What do you mean your fault-"

"Nothing," Haymitch says, interrupting her, "It's nothing. Your mother didn't do anything." He gives me a look, knowing that I don't want to bring up the vote. When the government of Panem originally fell, victors of the previous hunger games took a vote on whether to hold another hunger games, except with capitol children. Willingly, I voted yes, as well as Haymitch. Peeta voted no with the kind heart that he had. After the first games were held, they decided to hold twenty-four more. I originally voted to avenge my sister's death, but as the years passed and more children were dying, I began to hate my rash decision. If my daughter found out that I voted for the death of capitol children, I would never be able to look her in the eyes again.

Rue bites her lip, dropping the subject. She's so smart. She gained every conceivable good quality from Peeta and a few from me. She's unmistakably beautiful, with her blonde hair flowing just below her shoulders and her grey seam eyes. From what I've heard, she's the talk of the town, but she never lets any boy get close to her. She speaks her mind when she needs to, but knows when to hold her words in. She doesn't hold her emotions in, but lets them out for the world to see. Just like her father. She's artistic, but still athletic and skilled in combat. If she were to be entered in the games, god forbid, then I can only hope that she'd have a fighting chance.

"Okay Rue, I really need to talk to Haymitch now. Please take your brother home," I say pointedly. This time, she knows that the word no is no longer an option. Without saying a word, Rue turns to leave, brushing her shoulder against mine as she does.

When the door finally closes, Haymitch immeadiatley says, "Sweetheart, you know none of this is your fault. You're not the only one that voted yes." He's lying to me right to my face. He knows that it's my fault; he just chooses to ignore it as he does most things.

"Nothing you can say will take the blame off of me, so why don't you just drop it. We need to talk about something else." Haymitch stays silent, waiting for me to continue. "When I move to the capitol to become a mentor, my entire family will become capitol citizens."

There is a moment of confused silence before Effie gasps, saying, "Oh but Katniss! That means..."

"That Rue will be entered in the reaping for the games. Now wouldn't that be a good show." Haymitch finishes.

"I didn't realize what I was agreeing to when I said yes. Now it's all over the news, and there's no backing out. Haymitch, what have I done?" I say exaspratedly.

"Sounds like Johanna's got some master plan," he replies. I try to process what he says. It all makes sense now. Having myself as a mentor and my daughter as a tribute would make everything much more 'exciting' for the viewers. It's what Johanna wanted all along.

"Maybe I can get Johanna to take my daughter's name out of the reaping," I say, though I am unsure of the reality of my words.

"You know Katniss, they'll do anything you tell them to do," Effie says. My thoughts immeadiately transfer over to Prim. She helped me become the Mockingjay by saying that to me. These games continue as my response to her death, but I can't help but feel that she would have been disappointed in my decision. She was a lover, not a fighter. If she lived to see this new era, she would have cared for people instead of indirectly killed them like I have. Peeta never agreed with any of this...

"I'm going to do whatever I can for Rue. I lost him," I pause, trying not to cry, "I can't lose her."