A Feeling of Life: The Memoir of Contexts

Were You Ever Actually Sorry?

Quote: "He showed his remorse on the dance floor." 

Materials: Watercolors of red, blue, orange, and yellow, Black Ink, Ink Stamp

Description: Watercolors of a variety of colors form the structures of people. 

Context: I was hanging out with a friend whose boyfriend had just broken up with her. The situationship I had been in for several months had also fallen apart. We both needed a pity party. We both went out that Halloween weekend, eyes puffed from our tears. It was a great time. 

As the night went on, we hit a moment of reflection. She told me she was sad because she knew he was alone with no one at home. It was at that moment I knew where my sorrow came from. It was the lack of remorse. The knowing that there wasn't a wasted moment on me. 

It was Halloween weekend. I knew inside me that he wasn't spending it home alone. He was, without a doubt, partying. He was having fun. While he may have texted me saying he felt terrible about how things had turned out, there was no moment to demonstrate remorse. He showed that whatever guilt he had was on the dance floor, where he partied the night away. 

That is where my sadness came from, and that is where it continues to be. To add insult to injury, we were supposed to talk after the weekend. Instead, he messaged me, stating he had a busy weekend, overslept, etc. All excuses, no actions. Still, though, he claimed that he wanted to talk things through. I'm still waiting for that day, knowing that my wants are of no concern to him with every passing. He does not care because he is happy at the end of the day.

If he ever reads this, I hope he learns two things. One, social media did not help me feel sympathy for you. I saw the highlights of your busy weekend. Two, be better for the people you claim to care about.