The Sweet Silver Song || An Ashton Irwin fanfiction

Thirty five.

I woke up the next morning and immediately turned my head to the other side of the bed, only to find it completely empty and neat. I supported myself on my elbows and frowned as I tried to focus on the sounds in my apartment, to see if Ashton was still here.

I got up and immediately wrapped a robe around my body before slipping my feet into my sleepers and walking to the living room, which was completely empty. He didn't even left a note. I went back to my bedroom and took my phone from the bedside table; my heart dropped in my chest as I saw that I hadn't received any text during the night.

I thought you were gonna be clingy :( where are you? Xx

I let out a sigh and decided to make myself a cup of coffee before sitting in front of my computer. I smiled as I noticed that my blog now had ten thousands views and I read a few comments, saying that they wanted to read more and that I was very good. I then checked my emails and my eyes grew wide as I noticed that the newspaper who had promised to interview me had already sent the questions.

I immediately took my cell phone and dialed Emma's number before tapping my fingers on my desk. I was both really excited and scared to say something I shouldn't say. She was usually a lot more composed than me and she always made me feel better about everything.

"Hey, stranger!" She answered after a few seconds. I smiled at how light her tone was, it had been a while since someone had talked to me that way.

"Hey, sweetie!" I answered with the widest smile. "I'm so sorry I haven't called in a while" I apologized and she let out a little chuckled on the other end of the line.

"Don't worry, it's fine! You're a busy woman now!" she joked and I threw my head back and closed my eyes as I enjoyed how normal this conversation was.

"You're amazing" I randomly let out before focusing on my screen again. "Okay, so I got the questions from the newspaper and I'm so damn scared I'm going to say something that just doesn't fit in" I told her and she laughed again. That girl was a blessing.

"Okay, darling. You need to calm down. You're a smart girl, I've been on your blog and saw all the comments, people already love you, so just be you!" she reassured.

"Okay... Okay... But wait, can I like, answer the questions and then send them to you, just to make sure, you know?" I asked and she let out a playful sigh.

"Of course... But just so you know, you're gonna have to grow a pair" she laughed before hanging up.

I looked at my phone with a frown before calling her again.

"Hey, I wasn't done!" I complained just as she picked it up.

"What? Do you need me to come and cook you something for lunch, baby girl?" she teased and I pouted even though she couldn't see me.

"Stop making fun of me! No, I just wanted to know how you were, since we haven't talked in a while" I told her and she immediately started talking about what had happened in her life, as if she had secretly been waiting for me to ask all along.

We talked for a good hour before saying our goodbyes and I promised her I wouldn't stay silent for so long ever again. I didn't tell her anything about what had happened to me these past few months. It's not that I didn't want to, it was just that she was so different with me. She didn't talk to me the way Ashton and my brother did, she didn't pity me... She was just her normal self, and I didn't want that to change, ever.

I answered each and every question from the interview very carefully, making sure I didn't write anything inappropriate before sending them to Emma. I then sat back in my chair and looked at my phone, Ashton hadn't texted back yet. I let out a long sigh and closed my eyes.

I didn't know if he was doing it on purpose, or if he just hadn't checked his phone at all. I didn't know if he was mad at me, or just living his life. I didn't know if things would ever go back to normal. And this whole 'no sex for two weeks' thing was really bothering me as well, it was going to pull us even further apart and we couldn't really afford it, not now.

It was just a question of how tired I was, I didn't care about that. I just wanted him; I wanted to have him the way I had not that long ago. I wanted him to want me the way he had not that long ago. There was a part of me that thought that he was using that whole hormone thing as an excuse; and that he was really punishing me for not telling him sooner. And maybe it was even worth than that... Maybe he wasn't punishing me at all; maybe he just didn't feel like touching me, maybe he didn't want to be that close to me anymore.

I had told him I loved him, and he hadn't said it back since he had learned what had happened. Maybe he didn't anymore. Maybe he wasn't sure, maybe we were going to need to start all over again, for him.

I let out another sigh as I tried to put myself in his shoes. I had to trust him. I had to trust that he was going to start communicating at some point, and that he was going to tell me how he really felt. I owed him that, I had to keep my faith in him.

So I only took one decision, I was going to test the only theory I couldn't bear: did he, or did he not want me anymore? I would have to plan everything; nice lingerie... or sexy nightgown as my stomach was covered in bruises... I would have to subtly tease him, drive him crazy... I was desperate enough to even go for morning sex, if that was the only thing that would work.

The buzzing of my phone took me out of my reverie and I hurriedly checked it and a huge smile appeared on my face as I saw that it came from Ashton.

Oh, now YOU're being clingy (not complaining)! I'm in studio with the boys, I'll be back during the afternoon... Diner at my mum's?

My heart skipped a beat as panic started to over-flood me but I immediately tried to clear my mind. He still wanted me to meet his family, surely that was a good sign.

Sure, but you have to come home early enough to help me pick my outfit, then! Xx

Don't you dare stress it out! We're not going if you don't want to. You need to rest, stress is the last thing you need! Xx

I smiled as I read the text with his voice in my head. That was him, being overprotective... Just him being him, really.

Okay, no, that's all good, I'll wear jeans and a random top... Hey, when will I be able to listen to one of your songs? :) xx

Well, really soon, apparently, we now have a single! We just have to deal with the last details and it's going to be out very soon! :D xx

What? And I don't even get to listen to it before the world does? :o xx

I'll see what I can do about that! ;) xx

What is it called?

She Looks so Perfect (I might get in trouble for that, please don't say anything) xx

Did you write it?xx

Yep, with Michael!

Okay, I wanna listen to it tonight!

It's not done yet!

I don't care, sing it to me!

I can't sing

Bullshit! You're not getting out of this, baby!

I smiled and held my phone against my heart. This felt normal, too. Maybe things were going to be okay, after all. Maybe he was going to come around and forgive me.

I looked at my computer screen and started writing for the first time in a while. I wrote about having to face the consequences for things you weren't really responsible of. I wrote about giving people time, and trying to understand their feelings. I talked about patience, about the feeling of not being in control of your life anymore. And I also wrote about never being alone, no matter how we felt. I talked about having loving people around us and I talked about being thankful for that.

I proofread it before posting it. It felt good, it felt so damn good.

I looked around my apartment and started to think about what I wanted to do. I used to love it so much, it was life, my shelter, for everything. But now it didn't feel that way anymore, I wasn't comfortable in here. I didn't know if I wanted to redecorate, or move out, but I had to do something about it.

I would ask Ashton, first... There was a tiny little part of me that thought that maybe we could try and move together.