Nobody's Son, Nobody's Daughter

One

AN : Please tell me what you think :))

—————

Grief is a goodbye from love. It is the final gift we receive when we have wholeheartedly and honestly loved and were loved. It is the flag we wave around that screams "look at me, I was loved. I loved, I still love" and so we must carry our grief with pride and hold it high for it is proof of the sincere emotions we felt for one another which transcend life and death. We should cherish the grief and welcome it into our arms like we once welcomed our loved ones for it is their gift goodbye. And yet we run from it. We run from it until it finds us.

Edmund was currently running from it. Or rather towards it, seeing as he was trying to eliminate the source that caused it.
The men that had taken the lives of Edmunds most precious beings, his beloved siblings.
When Edmund heard of his sibling's death he had long been aware of it. A wave of pain had overcome him. He had felt as if he had lost part of his soul and in a way he very much did. The boy who had burged into his chamber was carrying a message his heart had already received. Moreover he knew that their death was most unfair considering he was the only one deserving of being killed. they had been good people through and through their entire lives, they had been true to themselves and their morals.

Edmund couldn't say the same for himself. He had betrayed them and risked their lives for his foolish desires. He was the only one deserving of being killed. He knew in his heart that he had betrayed them once again by not dying instead, by being spared of this terrible faith, by not being with them when they spoke their last words.
He felt himself a traitor of the highest degree.

His first thought had been to take his own life. To join his siblings and apologise to them. But he realised this would be the weak way out. If he wanted redemption he would have to suffer for it. He could only redeem himself and avenge the people closest to his heart if he lived through the pain.

And if he killed whoever took their lives. His siblings had been noble people, they rarely resorted to killing, even in times of war. Edmund wasn't as pure. His soul would be tarnished anyway, there was no need to hold back now, not when his heart was aching and his lungs were burning and the image of their tortured faces haunted his thoughts.

He walked through the now empty castle. It was as if all life had left it, for Edmund it did. The kingdom was relieved in a way because they had still one monarch left. They had lost their compassionate and loyal queens and their brave king but they still had someone left, even if it was their least favourite one. Edmund had known that the popularity of his siblings surpassed his own by a landslide, but now was not the time to focus on his image amongst the people he ruled, not for him anyway. In a way he felt he had also betrayed his people by being the only one left, they didn't deserve to lose their rulers the way they did. He knew taking over their responsibilities would be a difficult task but one he was willing to take on.

The king gathered his best swordsmen and ordered his smiths to forge the best weapons they possibly could.
"They'll be long gone by the time we arrive, your Majesty, they most likely left right after .. after the .. the incident" Althea tried to suggest. Edmund turned to his advisor and studied his face. He had a look of worry in his eyes mixed with a hint of pity. Edmund frowned at the idea that Althea was pitying him. "Perhaps they have, but their elaborate scheme couldn't have been orchestrated by a far, they must have had a base somewhere near the temple. If anything it should give us a clue to where they are headed next.".

With that Edmund got up and moved towards the door "We leave at dawn, I suppose you'll be joining us?" he turned slightly to Althea but only enough to catch a glimpse of him in the corner of his eye. "Of course your highness." Althea replied softly, bowing to his King. "Good, thank you for your help Althea, I appreciate your support" Edmund replied quickly and left the room to disappear into his chamber.

It was late at night, he knew that he should be in bed right now but how could he ? How could he rest knowing his sibling's killer was still out there? How could he ever rest again knowing he had failed to protect the only people ever dear to him. Ever since the murder Edmund had been consumed by this disgusting, rotting guilt. It had infested him as soon as the life left their bodies and was now consuming every part of him. It ran through his veins and blackened his heart, draining it of love and replacing it with grief. It crawled up his body. Higher and higher until it reached his eyes and blurred his vision. He saw nothing but injustice and evil no matter where he looked. His own reflection disgusted him by far the most. How dare his cheeks be rosy with life and his chest beat with every breath of air he took.

He slowly undressed in the dim candle light and mindlessly put on his sleeping gown. He could have washed his face but there was no use in doing so for him. On one hand he was far too exhausted and occupied by other things to care for himself. On the other hand, probably unbeknownst to him, he refused to take care of himself as a form of punishment. He didn't deserve to be taken care of, not even by himself when he hadn't taken care of them. His physical appearance was to be as soiled as his soul. Everyone looking at him should know that he was a filthy traitor. He would run around dirty for the rest of his life if it meant repenting even a fraction of the sin he committed.
Through all his self inflicted pain and unavoidable grief he made an attempt to be rational and laid down in bed.

His sword, which used to belong to his older brother initially, and his armour were waiting by the foot of his bed, ready to be worn and used for revenge.
Edmund laid in his bed tossing and turning trying to shake off all these memories and thoughts of guilt. Even once he fell asleep he was moaning and twitching uneasily in his sleep.

Althea pressed his ear to the wall of his chamber that shared a wall with the King's room. He listened intently to all the sounds Edmund made regardless if they were conscious or not. Secretly he hoped that Edmund would call out to him. Not as a King looking for his advisor while making rational decisions, but as a friend, perhaps a lover, looking for a shoulder to cry on, searching for a safe space to be vulnerable in. He was grateful to be so close to Edmund throughout all this time, but even with his held back discrete demeanour he could not deny that he was secretly lusting for the King. He had breached Edmund's privacy many times. Sneaking into his Chamber during bath time just to catch a glimpse of his beautiful porcelain skin, glistening in the water of the bath. He would relish in the sight of Edmunds dark hair clinging to his forehead and he counted the freckles on his lovely rosy cheeks.
Althea would take himself in hand and imagine those strong arms grabbing him and pushing him against the nearest wall. He imagined those plush lips hungrily devouring his and these hard abs to press against his slender frame. He would come thinking of deep brown eyes, pale skin, strong muscles and a large cock inside of him.
Afterwards he would feel soiled yet satisfied, he would retreat into his Chamber and go on as normal while Edmund was none the wiser.

A dirty part of him was glad they died. It made him the one closest to Edmund and gave him an opportunity to develop their relationship. He was aware that his desires were selfish but he wished so dearly that in his desperation and pain Edmund would turn to Althea in search of love. And Althea would give it to him willingly. He was ready to give up his body and soul for even the slightest touch of the King.

Edmund was aware of Althea's sexuality, in fact he was an active defender of Althea in front of everyone who thought to criticise who Althea chose to love. However he wasn't aware that Althea only really cared for one, Edmund himself. Edmund had never even suspected it, perhaps it was a lack of self-esteem or perhaps he thought their deep-rooted relationship was based on strictly platonic feelings. Either way the king never entertained the idea of being Althea's object of desire.

Althea had no intention of correcting him. As much as Althea longed for his touch and craved his affection he would not dare risk their good bond. Even if it left him heartbroken he would rather moan into his pillow in the dead of night then potentially lose his king forever.