Nobody's Son, Nobody's Daughter

Five

After his pleasing bath Edmund eventually went to bed and tried to push away any remaining thoughts of their visitor. And soon enough he fell asleep, much easier than usual these days.

Althea on the other hand was distraught, hurt, furious. Not only was this Y/N genuinely useful for their investigation, Edmund, his Edmund was starting to fancy her,
However, Althea had to stop himself from continuing further with these thoughts. After all, he knew very well that Edmund was not attracted to men. Even if he wanted to, and knowing Edmund's kind heart he would if he knew, he could not love Althea the way he wanted to be loved.

The King was grateful that he had gotten a good night's rest for the first time since the death of his siblings. In a way however it made him feel guilty. This felt like he was beginning to move on and it felt wrong to do so. It had only been a couple of months at this point.
When the message had reached him he thought the pain would never subside and in a way he was happy about that. Edmund felt responsible for their death, he thought it to be a just punishment to be carrying the hurt until the day he died himself. It was only right, especially because the hurt was supposed to weigh as much as the love he felt for them, infinite. He didn't want the hurt to end because it was a reminder of the love he still felt for Peter, Susan and Lucy. He feared that if the pain was subsiding so would the love, the memories and everything else. Edmund was now the only person in the entire world to know about England, their homeland, their upbringing, their mother and their father. He felt left alone with all this knowledge of a past life that had been wiped from all the records. He felt lost, like a child in a busy market whose parents had wandered off, who was surrounded by tall, scary lookong adults who walked past him.

He stood up and went over to his dresser, pulling out the flashlight he had brought with him to Narnia. The batteries had died ages ago but to him it was still a reminder of the lives they used to live. Of technology, development, the war and their world, their home.

With his siblings' death died not only his family but also his entire past. Edmund loved Narnia and he was proud to rule over this wonderful land, however he did miss England sometimes. He missed the friends he had back there, the convenience of technology, trains and flushing toilets. Susan had tried to introduce the Narnians to the concept of plumbing and trains but they had no interest in learning about all that. Sometimes this all felt like a very strange dream. He didn't admit it to anybody but ever since they had passed Edmund wondered if the wardrobe they first stepped through was still somewhere out there. He wondered if death travelled between worlds or if his siblings would still be alive and well somewhere in England.
In times like these he mostly missed his father. When Edmund was still a boy his father could help him navigate the difficult moments, he would take his hands and lead the way, hug him tightly and give him courage and some good advice. But now Edmund was alone, he felt utterly alone in the universe and he was grieving not only their lives but also his own. Aside from the difficult task of suddenly ruling over an entire kingdom on his own he now also felt responsible to keep their memories alive. No one who was here with him had known him as a child, no one knew even just his parent's names. Despite being so well liked and established in Narnia he couldn't help but feel like a stranger. Like a tumor which had developed here and needed to be killed off. As if he didn't belong here. Narnia was never meant to be left to one single ruler. Their entire rise to power was based on the circumstance of them being siblings. It was rooted in their deep understanding of each other and the ways in which they complemented each other. Being alone felt wrong, it felt lonely. Edmund was torn between embarking on a desperate search for them or staying here to hold down the ship, praying that this was all just a huge misunderstanding and he would hear their voices coming up the stairs in their old house in England one more time.

Without realising Edmund had sunk to the ground and had begun silently sobbing. He clutched the flashlight to his chest struggling to breathe.

"Your Majesty!" Y/N exclaimed as she arrived at his door. The King looked at her as if he had seen all the horrors of the world. "I apologise your Highness, yesterday at the dinner you asked to meet me early this morning to continue our work- I apologise I-" she tried to explain but quickly stopped because the King began calling for something, someone unknown to Y/N through his tears "Dad, dad please ... please come... help me .. dad.." Y/N made a decision then which she knew to be risky but proceeded with anyway. She rushed over to where Edmund lay on the floor and scooped him up, resting his upper body against hers and gently stroking his hair while her other arm held him tight. "It's okay Your Majesty, you are not alone, you are safe, let it out, let it all out." she whispered reassuringly as she held him tightly. She pressed his ear to her chest, hoping the steady sound of her heartbeat would ground him a bit. She sat with him for a long time, holding him as he worked through his tears and called names of people unknown to Y/N. She did her best trying to comfort him and guide him through his pain. It dawned on her that he was not aware who she was at the moment. She felt this anonymity gave her a certain freedom. "Your Majesty, it is all good, you will be fine, I am here ... Edmund, listen to me, I am here. Edmund." his name rolled easily off her tongue. It was foreign to her native language, or any language she knew for that matter but it was a name she liked, it was peculiar but fitted this unique man in her opinion. "Edmund, try to breathe, Edmund." At the sound of his name Edmund slowly calmed down. His feelings hadn't stopped but he was exhausted and he suddenly felt as if the situation had improved somehow. He came to his senses and his vision cleared up. When he realised where he was, in the state he was, with who he was, his eyes widened in shock and embarrassment. "Miss Y/N I am deeply sorry I - I do not know what - I" Y/N felt equally embarrassed and could barely hold back the blush which filled her cheeks "No no no I am sorry Ed- Your Highness. I am sorry if I crossed a line, I never meant to intrude on your privacy like this. You were so very distraught and I was concerned for your safety, I am endlessly sorry." Edmund took a few deep breaths "don't be .. I .. I must admit I lost my composure there and I do appreciate you.. taking care of me."