The Reflection I Hate

Hehe

Warning: Vomit (only breifly thought), body issues, self hate, self loathing 

Some helpful advice: If you think like this please seek help.

Disclaimer: I wrote this in five minutes it is in no way good but more so just a warm up to get me writing again 

It was late, almost 12 and Hana had just gotten home from the school dance and conversing with her mother. Now she was staring in the mirror gently wiping her face clean of makeup with a soft cloth. At first she didn't stare too hard afraid of the reflection until she finally looked at her eyes. Her...plain boring eyes, too dark of a color and her eyelashes were too short so they didn't frame her eyes at all. In fact her eyes came nowhere close to even be considered pretty or beautiful. Her nose is too long, big...ugly and her lips too small for lipstick to look good on her.

She set the cloth down and stared at all the small pimples on her face and the freckles that were too faint and tiny in amounts to be considered cute. In fact they were hardly noticeable. She touched her hair, sort of pulling on it slightly. The texture was rough. Nothing like the silky pretty hair of the other girls and her hair's boring too as it's just...brown and straight. It has no interesting features like curls or waves or even fluff to it.

She picked up the cloth again to finish wiping off the makeup, however now she was rubbing it harder against her skin, and it had a sort of burning feeling. Hot tears began to form in her eyes as a pang in her chest slowly started to form with a sick feeling of jealousy and hatred. Why couldn't she be pretty like the other girls with big lips and long lashes and colorful hair and eyes?

With lips quivering she set down the cloth once more and looked at her upper body, there was nothing special about it as she had no curves or chest, not even a small hourglass figure. It was just boring and repulsive. She moved her hands to push up her chest trying to make whatever she had seem bigger though it didn't work in the slightest. And suddenly the waterfall started and she couldn't stop it. Leaning forward on the counter to cover her head with her arms she just let the tears fall and they stung her eyes.

Eventually she leaned up again only to see the sickening image of her reflection yet again. She sobbed harder as she quickly reached for her makeup and hurriedly reapplied it, practically smothering it on her face before throwing the brushes aside and grabbing a few hand clothes from the cabinets to shove in her bra.

For a moment, just a moment, she felt better. She felt pretty seeing an illusion of what she wanted to be. Before it all came crashing down and reality hit and she was met face to face with a mess of a person and the tears began to flow back down. Hana tried wiping away her tears even as she was struggling to breathe from how hard she's crying though it only made the mess worse.

A feeling of burning bile came up her throat before making it out of her mouth as she hunched over the sink. Why does she have to be so disgusting? She eventually fell to the floor sobbing harder and pulling on her hair as hiccups started to form though it did nothing to ease the pain and jealousy of how it seemed like everyone was pretty except for her.

The tears kept falling and some of it poured into her mouth...a mouth filled with imperfect teeth. She didn't understand. Why was she so ugly? Why was everyone prettier than her?

Why can't she just be pretty?