DA:I~ Demons of the Past (DorianxLavellan)

15~ A Nightmare Relived

It was nine at night by the time they returned from Adamant Fortress. Cyrus hadn't spoken to any of his companions on the way to Skyhold. No one had asked him about what the fear demon had said, but sooner or later he'd have to explain. 

As much as he tried stopping himself from doing so, Cyrus found himself walking to the library. There weren't as many people here as in the afternoon. But Dorian was there, in his little corner, going through a stack of books on the small table. Frowning in annoyance, he flipped through the pages of a particularly large hardcover. 

"Dorian," Cyrus said softly as he approached, but Dorian didn't look at him. Cyrus asked carefully, "Is... something wrong?"

"Wrong?" Dorian scoffed, "No, it's just that for a library this size, it's frustratingly limited."

Cyrus cleared his throat nervously. "What are you looking for?"

"More information about the artefacts' power and their history. I'd like to know exactly what to expect if this thief gets a hold of them all. Nevermind that, I'm sure you have more important things to attend to."

Why was he so curt?  

"What's gotten into you all of a sudden?" Cyrus breathed. 

Dorian raised an eyebrow. "All of a sudden? I'm perfectly charming all the time."

Cyrus only stared at him in reply. 

Dorian sighed. "Yes, I know, I'm being an ass. I apologise."

Cyrus hesitated. "So then... is this about the fade? Look, I know what that fear demon said about me, and I can explain--"

"You think I care about what some demon said?" Dorian dropped one of the books onto the pile and turned to him, anger taking over his face. "You made us all go through that portal, assuring us you'd follow. And then you didn't. You stayed behind and tried to be the hero. Not only was it stupid, but not nearly as heroic as you think!"

Cyrus blinked at him. "What? I just--"

"I thought you were gone!" Dorian looked away, his frown deepening, but his voice turning more gentle. "I don't think I can forgive you for that."

Cyrus let out a breath of disbelief. "Forgive me? Lauren is possibly dead because of me!" His voice cracked, and he swallowed down the knob in his throat, did his best to keep his voice even. "I stayed behind because I hoped I could still save her! But I didn't. And now the Hero of Ferelden is dead. And there will never be a hero like her again... all because of me."

Dorian looked at him for a long time, and finally some of that anger left him. He sighed again. "Yes, being Inquisitor can't be easy. You have to make the hard choices. You did what you had to. Just... don't stay behind like that again! You may not know it, but people need you. I need--" He cut himself off, letting out a puff of annoyance. "You need to stay alive, so you can keep the world alive, to keep the people here going. If you die, it's all over." 

Cyrus looked away in frustration. "Yes, I'm aware of that. But have you ever considered that maybe I wish it didn't all have to fall on me?"

Dorian faltered, then said, "Well, I... yes. I have considered that. You did choose this role, but... you may not have had much choice but to do so, I understand." Dorian rubbed his face and calmed himself. "I'm sorry for snapping, and for assuming. It was unworthy of me. Are you all right?"

Cyrus had to think about that one. He went with, "Sure. Maybe." He went over to the chair opposite to Dorian's in the little corner and sank into it. The moment he did, what had been left of his energy drained from him, and he already knew he wouldn't be getting up from this chair anytime soon.