the stupid boy across the hall

010 - BLANKET

I laid down on my bed, throwing my waitress attire to the side. I've been back home for about 2 months now and don't have plans on going back to LA. My home is here, my life is here. My life in LA consisted of a fantasy. A myth. A vacation.

After 2 weeks back at home, I started applying for jobs. I felt okay here. Besides, there was too much pain leaving here the first time, no way could I do it again. There was nothing for me in LA, just stupid boys who use me for stupid-

I looked down at my hands to notice that I was squeezing my stuffed animal, Jolly the turtle, a little too tight, which had apparently sometime made it's way into my arms during my thoughts. I loosened my grip and brought a hand up to my eye to feel water. With hesitation, I sat myself up and grabbed a tissue off of my bedside table to dab at my eyes.

I hadn't talked to Colby ever since the airport. Two weeks and not a single word has been spoken. I've talked to everyone else, basically daily, besides Colby. Sam, Jake, Corey and I have weekly FaceTime calls, and Gena and I have called every night. She's kept up the channel on her own, recording videos with the boys and on her own. Our fans have become suspicious however, asking where I've been and if I'm ever coming back. Gena however has ignored the comments because, in her mind, I'm coming back. In all their minds. In Colby's mind.

Well I'm about to burst all of their bubbles. Im telling them all I'm staying here. Today. Im done with LA. My home is here, my life is here, my family is here.

Only hotties allowed

Hey can y'all call at 5?

Corey schrorey
Our time or your time?

My time

Sammy boy
YES IVE MISSED YOU

Jakey
Sam, it's only been a week

Gen-gen
So you're saying you haven't missed
her Jake?

Jakey
I never said that. Don't put words into
my mouth.

Ouch. I see how it is.

Jakey
NO NO I REALLY HAVE MISSED
YOU ABI

sure you have :(

Corey schrorey
Yes Abi. We will all be ready to call at 5

I leaned my head back against the headboard in my room, getting ready for the dreaded call. Just 5 minutes away. I felt a vibration from my phone laying next to me.

Gen-gen

Hey, you okay?
Sent 4:45
Read 4:57

Yeah, I just have an announcement
Sent 4:47
Read 4:58

Abi.
Sent 4:48

You're not staying are you?
Sent 4:49

Abi no. Don't do this
Sent 4:55
Read 4:59

A teardrop fell on my phone screen. I didn't realize this would be so hard. I know I made a promise, but they'll understand right? I'm happy here, happier than I've been in a long time. Right? They can't be mad at that.

I looked at the time. 5pm. It's time. Now or never. I opened the groupchat, and with a deep breath, I clicked on the FaceTime icon. I took a glance at my face, tear stained, and pimple full and almost frowned. This wasn't me. This wasn't healthy. I'm not happy here. I miss my friends, no my family. I miss LA, The busy streets, the gross city, I missed it all. Coming back home made me realize that more, but I came back and went right back to my old ways. It's like a cycle. This cycle wasn't new, I've lived it my whole life. Wake up, go to work, come home, eat, sleep, repeat. It's not living, it's surviving.