Loony-cy

1: Marvel.

If anyone asked Peter Parker to describe his life, his answer would be a straight answer with a single word.

That word being 'Weird'.

It started off a casual day for him. Wake up, have breakfast with Aunt May, go to school, get thrown into a locker by Flash, get pulled out by Harry and MJ, hang out with them, listen to Jamison yell about his alter ego being a menace, and then go on patrol as said alter ego.

Running into Rhino going on a rampage was also normal.

What wasn't normal started off when, as he was chasing down Rhino, Spiderman saw a man in a bright yellow suit with a wide trimmed hat of the same color walk down the street without a care in the world.

The weird part? The man's head was bright green.

The man was walking with wide steps down the the same road Rhino was running in, having a close-eyed grin while humming a tune. He seemed completely unaware of the villain three times his size charging and smashing everything away, or the running people around him.

"Watch out!" Spiderman cried out, trying to warn the man into moving away.

The green-faced man didn't seem to notice until it was too late. As soon as he opened his eyes and screamed in fear, he was run over by Rhino, who continued his charge. Spiderman immediately landed where the man used to be, hoping that he might have jumped away or was not wounded seriously.

What greeted him however, was neither the sight of the man being safe or turned to a gore-ish mess. Instead, he had been literally flattened on the street with feet marks all on his body. Peter didn't know if the man was alright or not.

One of the man's arms seem to have fixed itself. He moved it to place his thumb in his mouth and blow into it, causing his body to inflate and return to normal. Once the man stood up, he dusted his suit and hat.

"Now that's just plain rude!" The man cried out before Peter can ask if he was alright. "I heard about rush hour but that's ridiculous," turning to look at the running villain, the man grinned. "Someone outta teach that bull some manners!"

The Man then, out of nowhere, pulled a robe with a knot in at the end. Twirling the robe in the air like a cowboy, the man hurled the robe at Rhino and managed to get the knot to take hold of the horn.

"Got 'em!" The man cheered, only for his hands to be pulled and - much to Peter's surprise - start being pulled with the robe without him moving. "Uh oh!"

The man was suddenly yanked forward and Peter panicked. He jumped in the air and slinged to one of the buildings closer to Rhino. The surprises kept coming as the man landed on Rhino's back with an entirely new costume. This time, his suit resembled that of a cowboy.

"Yepi-kay-yay!" The man cheered, taking his hat and waving it in the air.

"What the- Get off!" Rhino began trying to shake off his uninvited rider.

The Man held on to the villain no matter how hard Rhino jumped or shook around. He even smashed into a couple of the surrounding cars, but the green-faced man didn't budge.

Spiderman watched from the side of one of the nearby buildings, unsure of what to do in the situation.

Finally having enough, Rhino simply reached upwards, grabbed hold of the man, and threw him away. The man landed on the other side of the road he stood up and, with a twirl fast enough to create a small tornado, changed outfit again.

This time, he appeared like a bullfighter. Red shirt, white pants, black hat and everything. He even had a red piece of cloth that, upon closer inspection, Peter realised is actually a pair of red underwear.

The man waved the red underwear challengingly at Rhino while grinning. Rhino, ironically, let out a huff through his nose, took a stance, and began charging forward.

The man didn't move as Rhino got closer and closer. When he was close enough to look like they were gonna collide, the man twirled away, yelling "Holay!" While Rhino passed by him and kept heading down the road.

... at least that's what Peter expected. Instead, Rhino smashed into something which revealed itself to be a wall painted to look exactly like it was the other side of the road.

The villain staggered backwards before falling on the ground. The green-faced man jumped at Rhino and, after a couple of seconds, Rhino ended up on his stomach with his hands and legs tied behind his back.

"And now, for the finishing touch," the man said as he pulled out something else.

Spiderman's eyes widen in surprise while Rhino's widen in horror at seeing that the man pulled a branding iron. One that was glowing bright red from heat.

Peter had to look away as the man pressed the branding iron on Rhino's backside, making the villain let out a scream that only a woman going through a very painful birth would let out.

When he was sure the process was over, Spiderman looked again and saw the man throw away the branding iron, a satisfied grin on his face while he dusted his hands. On Rhino's butt, 'The Mask' was burnt on the grey skin.

"That outta teach you to ruin a man's walk!" The man turned around, placed two fingers in his mouth, and whistled.

The reeving of an engine was heard and car came speeding in before screeching to a stop I front of the green-faced man - or the Mask according to the mark he left.

The car was bright orange, had an engine sticking out of the hood, no roof, and black wings on the back. Getting into the car, the Mask stepped on the gas pedal.

Instead of shooting forward, the front side of the car bent and reeled back like a person Getting ready to run before suddenly shooting forward at great speed and vanishing in the distance.

Spiderman watched as the Mask vanished in his car. Slowly, he reached for a hidden pocket in his costume and pulled out his hero phone. Dialing a specific number that Peter swore to never dial unless the world was ending, he placed the phone near his ear.

Soon enough, the other side picked up. "Who is this and how did you get this number?"

"Hey, Deadpool, it's me."

"Yo, Spidy! How've you been? You finally drinking age yet?" Deadpool asked.

"No. Listen, I need to ask you something," Spiderman looked as the police picked up Rhino in a special armored van while giving him pitying looks when they saw his butt. "Did you change your costume to yellow and paint your face green?"

"... Did you take up drugs?" Deadpool asked before gasping. "Don't tell me a missed my baby boy's first time at getting high! Oh, how could you! You should have invited me so-"

That's as far as Deadpool went before Spiderman hung up, realising that his usual provider of nonsense and logic breaking achievements was not responsible for what he just saw.