My Life On The Inside

Compared to many my life is a dream.

One time my friend said "I wish I was you. You have amazing grades. A sister who you get along with. You also just seem happy all the time!"

I'm not happy all the time.

I don't know if this is a fact or not.

But I'd say I'm probably the most depressed I've ever been in my life.

Specifically just this general year.

My life isn't even that bad.

I have my parents.

I've gone to Disney.

I have 4 pets.

I have good grades.

From the outside, it seems like an amazing life!

But on the inside, I hate all of this.

I have my parents, but one will, without hesitation, throw me across a room.

They both will constantly complain about me.

Nothing I do is good enough for them.

I went to Disney in October!

On the first day of going to one of the parks one of my parents immediately said, "Why did we even bring you? We should've left you at home."

I was very quickly not wanted.

I can't say anything bad about having 4 pets.

It's a lot of responsibility, but I love them each dearly.

Especially when two are only mine and live in my room with me.

It just means that I'm in my room a lot more.

Having good grades isn't all good.

Sure, my parents like my grades, but it just showed me that they like my grades more than me.

More than my personality.

It also puts a lot of pressure on me to keep my grades high.

I'm a perfectionist, so I already stress about my grades a lot.

But then my parents pressuring me to be better than my sister.

"Be better than ********* she's not going anywhere in life. Don't be a failure like her."

Constantly at school when I don't get something I hit my head hoping it'll knock knowledge into my brain.

It never works.

It's just become a habit by now.

People who always seem happy could easily be masking.

Apparently, I'm one of them.

I don't even really notice it myself, especially in the moment.

But thinking back on many moments.

I see myself acting very happy even when I feel no happiness.

My life isn't as perfect as it seems.

This is my life on the inside.