Shadow of a Grave ✧ Sebastian Sallow

chapter twenty-five ✧ to new beginnings

Ho Ho Hopefully by The Maine 

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There had been a lot to learn in the following months of his original return to England. Over five years ago when he decided to leave, it had been because he thought that he didn't have a purpose anymore. It was heartbreak and sorrow that lingered on his shoulders like a heavy winter coat that couldn't be shaken off. Forgiven couldn't be found anywhere that he had searched for it, no matter how hard he tried to find it. The weight of that decision sat with him for years.

Time was supposed to heal all wounds everyone would say, so he waited and waited and felt the pressure of the clock click by with every moment, but his wound stayed open. After years of watching the arms of the clock spin around and around, Sebastian Sallow still was hurt.

The only way he figured out how to cope with the long wait of time was by pretending. It was a drink or two, then a few more, then just enough to pretend to be someone else to begin anew. But in the end, he'd still wake up the next day with the same broken heart and a clock ticking slowly in front of him, but at least it felt like time went faster.

"One was enough," Ominis Gaunt lectured him, pulling the bottle to his side of the table.

"Come on, it's the holidays after all. Where is your holiday spirit?" Sebastian sighed, tossing his head back.

"Letting you have one drink already was all the spirit I have. That was plenty."

The holidays were always when the clock ticked slower than normal for him. It felt like the wounds grew deeper. The clock across the room was loud and slow as old friends sat waiting as if it was mocking him.

And while the year Sebastian returned to England had been better than the years that came before he still felt the emptiness of loneliness. Like a dagger through his heart still waiting on time to heal his wounds. No matter how many friendly faces were around him, there was only one that filled the hole in his heart, she wasn't there still and now the wound felt deeper than ever before.

She was gone because of everything he did and that had made that year harder than he expected. He was tired of being himself. All he wanted was to drink enough to forget who he was, and what he had done, and then he would be someone else who was allowed to be mad at Sebastian Sallow. As if it had made a difference in the morning.

That was his goal as he tried to inch his fingers closer to the bottle between them. Convincing himself that if he moved slowly and quietly enough, then surely the blind man wouldn't notice.

"You said that you didn't trust yourself this time of year," Ominis announced as he pulled the bottle of whiskey further away from his reach.

"I told Poppy that in confidence, not you," He groaned, "You worry too much so I didn't think you needed to know. I didn't realize that she was going to tell you anyway."

His friend only laughed as he poured another glass for himself, mocking him surely, "That's bold of you to assume that my wife would keep secrets from me."

"You remember what today is, don't you?" Sebastian questioned as he watched his friend toy with the glass bottle.

Ominis smiled lightly before clarifying, "Christmas Eve was a difficult day for Amelia too."

Christmas Eve used to be spent drinking until he forgot that he was Sebastian Sallow. It was supposed to be their anniversary and he was supposed to be with the love of his life. And she wasn't there to celebrate.