Waste and Want

Chapter 21

Severus woke up slowly, his eyes opening only a sliver to reveal Helena curled up next to him, her face inches from his, and still fast asleep. The room was bright, the sun was now starting to reach its apex and descend into the afternoon hours. Something kicked him in his back, something small and foot-shaped, and Severus turned his head to look over his shoulder at Simon who had somehow taken up far too much space than his tiny body should conceivably allow. Severus was fairly certain he had gone to bed alone last night.

There was an obnoxious number of birds singing just outside his bedroom window and Julius-or-Rachel was currently pressing into his bladder. He couldn't put it off any longer. He had to get up. Severus managed to wiggle himself free, keeping one hand braced against his stomach. They had finally settled in a farmhouse in Germany, not far from a town called Dinkelsbühl– Severus, Lily, James, and children all. It was less awkward than expected; grief and mortal peril had a way of forcing bonds between people.

Severus made his way downstairs to find James in the kitchen, spooning something green and mushy into Harry's mouth from where he was perched in his highchair. The man looked up at Severus as he slowly descended the stairs and shot him a smile– a genuine smile, like he was happy to see him, not the mocking grin Severus was used to. He still wasn't sure what to make of this new James Potter. Or maybe he wasn't new at all, maybe this was what James Potter had always been once stripped of everything that made Potter Potter. A tabula rasa.

"Potter," Severus mumbled out a greeting and eased into a chair at the table.

"One of these days, I'm going to get you to say my first name," James promised. Or maybe threatened.

"Never." Severus winced as Julius-or-Rachel moved, shifting ever downward in preparation for their birth. Simon hadn't been nearly this active at this stage in his pregnancy, nor had Severus ever gotten this big with him. It was damned uncomfortable, and he couldn't wait for the brat to finally exit so he could be done with the whole thing. This is the last time, he swore to himself. Never again.

James watched Severus rub his stomach with rapt fascination, his eyes fixed on the movement of his hand. "Can I–" James started, his hand lifting up, before cutting himself off and bringing it back down to rest in his lap.

Severus bit his lip, eyeing the man sitting next to him. Simon loved hugging his swollen baby, loved to feel the kicks and punches, following the movement with his hands. So did Helena; Severus thought it might be something of the Pureblood in her, that need for blood ties, to permanently connect herself to Severus in ways that cannot be denied. Even Lily had gotten to feel the baby a few times, though she was more mindful of his boundaries than the children, no doubt remembering back to when they were kids and how Severus had both craved touch and feared it in turns. James, though, never even asked. But James looked, he watched, and every time Severus caught him looking it sent a shiver up his spine.

Severus swallowed and decided to take the plunge. "Do you want to feel?"

James didn't have to be asked twice. He reached over, gingerly placing his palm against his stomach, and Severus had to take his wrist and guide him to where Julius-or-Rachel was kicking. James seemed to melt at the sensation, his face growing dopey. "I love kids. I used to want eight."

Severus was horrified. "No wonder Lily divorced you."

Julius-or-Rachel kicked out, directly beneath James's palm. It felt like a mule striking against Severus's ribs. "She's strong," James breathed.

"It could be a boy," Severus pointed out.

James shook his head. "No. She's a girl. Wanna place bets?"