For the Rebellion

Chapter 23 - Long Gone

It felt like I was drowning. Like I couldn't get enough air in my lungs. Like no matter how wide my mouth opened, no matter how hard I inhaled, I simply couldn't breathe.

I'd sent my lady's maids to summon Amelina. She was the only one who'd understand my predicament. Then I'd sent Tatiana and Halley away. They'd been hurt by my dismissal. I'd seen it in their eyes. But...I needed to speak freely and couldn't with them around.

Gundry brooded in the corner, remaining silent, watchful. We both ignored him. He was used to that sort of thing from us.

"You really are his mate?" Amelina said, still incredulous over my reveal. "I'd only meant the words as a joke—before."

"We are," I gasped, realizing that made it so much worse. Theo was my mate. Didn't that mean we were supposed to be able to trust each other above all others? And yet, he'd betrayed me to my father.

"Shhhh...." Amelina helped me wipe the tears that continued to fall down my cheeks. Her comfort only made them fall faster. She pulled me against her chest. "There, now," she crooned. "We'll figure this out."

"No....we...won't!" I sobbed into the fabric of her gown. "It's all...ruined. My father...he knows who I am...to the rebellion now. Theo...betrayed me! I can't...can't believe..." I could barely speak, unable to get air. We'd already been over the details twice, long before I'd broken down into this...mess. But it helped to repeat it. Helped me to internalize it.

"I don't think he purposefully betrayed you, Soph."

"Don't—take his side!" I cried.

"You're right. Forgive me. That selfish, conceited princeling. I want to punch him in the face for hurting you, and I don't even have a good right hook. You should punch him for both of us. And then he should go back to where he came from before he does anymore damage."

"Exactly!" I sobbed. "I hate him. I hate...him." I said it over and over until my sobs made the words too garbled to understand. Amelina just sat there, rocking me in her arms. She really was the best friend I could have asked for.

She wasn't of noble birth. I'd met her in the kitchens as a child. We'd taken to each other immediately. My mother never minded our friendship. It wasn't until she'd passed from this world, that I'd been forbidden to spend time with her. Father had become controlling over all aspects of my life, including who I spent time with. But that never stopped us from sneaking around.

It was during times like these I was grateful that I hadn't listened to my father. That I'd still made time for Amelina. I couldn't have survived this without her.

Gundry was silent, as ever.

"I know you think you hate him now," Amelina said, as I somewhat calmed. "But hate is a strong word, and life is too short to hate people."

I grumbled, "You know I hate it when you are right."

The real truth was...I didn't hate him. How could I? After getting to know the softer side of him.

Theo hadn't revealed my secret on purpose, or to hurt me. I'd seen him in that moment. He'd been caught up, flustered. He'd looked at me, beseeched me with his gaze, begging me to say something, to refuse my father, refuse Hawthorne's betrothal, to explain what we'd discovered. Being mates would have nullified my promises to Hawthorne.

Except, I'd failed. I'd taken one look at my father and every memory of him silencing me had come racing to the forefront. He'd never physically abused me. But he'd spent years controlling me, making me feel like a useless, silly creature.

It was awful to admit it, but I was afraid of him, afraid of his displeasure, afraid of the look of disappointment he'd turn my way. It was irrational. Stupid, even.