Burning Moon

Abandoned

The next morning

Deva had never gotten quite used to it no matter how many times. The waiting always killed him.

He stood behind the kitchen counter, hands working the blender that pureed a mix of blackcurrants and beetroot. He had seen it in a book somewhere that it did wonders for anyone who had inhaled toxic fumes.

"Ha. Deva, you never learn."

His pathetic self disgusted him, so much self-deprecating laughter escaped past his lips, his right hand pressing against his forehead in something akin to mockery. The blender and its contents were now left abandoned, like he always was.

Why did he keep doing this to himself? Why couldn't he just walk away and forget? Move on and build a fresh life?

Deva's jaw clenched at the bullshit that fluttered through his mind just now. It amazed him, his capacity to hurt himself. Moving on and all that fairytale shit might as well as be the same as killing him.

Moving on from Tara Seghal was impossible. She owed him many debts, for every year he spent in that trashy place that overflowed with human-eating monsters, for every creep that touched him, for every rod that created welts on him. He hated her so much that he had worked so hard from the bottom to become a force that would be her greatest nightmare. He had come back to wreck her already fragmented family, expose that facade of her classist self and world.

But his traitorous heart had to go and fucking make a mess of him. One moment with her and it was beating like it was on steroids. His breath was quickening, eyes fixating on the sole beauty that was there before and remained after in his dirty life. Tara Seghal was like that prized diamond, shining and beautiful, that he wondered how lucky he was to be close to it, to get sunkissed by the sun, a goddess.

When he saw her unconscious, when he danced until he bled for her recovery, Deva realized that his life was nothing without her. Everything he had ever done was for her, to love and worship her, to give her all the good things. How much he hated her, how much he loved her. He had run back to the hospital, his heart on his sleeves and thought...if she wakes up and keeps being as kind as the present, he would give her one more chance. He will give her a chance to make up for her mistakes of the past and love him and cherish him like he deserves, like he had done to her even when her mere words had sent him to hell.

Tara Seghal was his entire life and she deserved that much.

But what was it they said? Men were from mars and women were from venus. They lied crazily, embodied in their representative, Tara Seghal, who had the guts to stand before him and hug another man. He wasn't that man. That man wasn't him.

So...why?

"Why, Tara? Why can't you just be good to me?! Fucking treat me right!" Deva yelled and flung the blender onto the ceramic floor so that its blood-red content poured out and the surface cracked. He stared at the blood-red puree on the floor until he couldn't due to tears blurring his vision.

"Damn it." 

He wiped his tears with the back of his hand, angry and nervous all at once. Deva hated crying second to Tara's back. He hated the way it exposed his dirtiness and told the world about his base roots, that he was still that orphan who went to juvie because his life wasn't as precious as another boy with a wealthy father. He hated the way it turned Deva Malik into Deva. 

Deva had a horse and that was all. He had no Tara, no clothes, no food, nothing. He had fucking nothing. But even now, was there still anything in his life? Deva knew he was doing a big injustice to Farwari and Basant Kaka, but a life without Tara in it seemed so empty.

Where was his home?

He crouched onto the floor and cried harder, tears flowing freely and spilling onto the floor. He let himself go, the sound of his cries echoing throughout the glass house.

Until his diamond treasure spoke, her voice the sweetest thing. He had only noticed her when she was beside him, concern on her face and in her voice. It brought him so much joy.

"Mr. Malik, are you alright? What happened?"

You. That intruder. The whole world. He wanted to say this, but he was a coward. He wasn't bold enough to tell his feelings to this woman because she had proven that she was not to be trusted, especially with him and his heart.

Deva looked at her fuss over his hands and he felt warm...until her eyes slid onto the upturned blender on the floor and she began to ask him why he did this. Why did she always desert him? Was it that hard to just worry only about him? Even the blender gets priority too? The blender!

Perhaps, if he were thinking straight as usual, Deva could tell he was doing too much. But he wasn't thinking straight. His mind was a straight path to a haywire. That was why he grabbed her hand with one hand and then her chin with the other. And when she softly whispered his name 'Mr. Malik', he loudly shouted in her face.

"Get the fucking hell away from me."