The Starlings

Chapter One: Let's Catch Up

Dear Diary, 

I thought I would catch you up on everything up to now. A group of birds convinced me to start writing as my mother said "when a bird starts to whistle they are making something and so you do something like them." She often did confuse me. I do find birds to be extremely annoying, they take your food, ruin your car, and they make so much noise. Yet, I'm still captivated by a group of starling birds. It feels cramped in such a small room, but out there they flutter with the wind so free. 

26th October 1980

When I was born, my mom was only 13 years old. She didn't want to get pregnant, but she was already too far along. She thought of putting me up for adoption, but that choice was rejected by my grandmother. The birth did not go well, I was the last person she ever saw. She died the day I was born. I was handed to my mother's sister. Her name was Estella, it meant star. She named me Nova because she wanted a connection with me and my mother, who was named Astrid. My grandparents were fascinated by space, showing their love for it through my mothers. She loved me very much she knew I was not hers, but my aunt spent so much time with my mother when she was pregnant to the point she felt like she was going to have a child too. She gave me a good life while only being 18. Estella left my grandparents because she did not want to stay. It was a place in the suburbs with a big community, and she hated it they were very religious, and she couldn't be herself.

28th November 1980

I was sixteen when Estella died. It was hard to get over as I was suddenly put in the foster care system. I was moved from house to house, I was abused and neglected. After turning eighteen I was accepted into a college, a month after that I was found in my dorm room unconscious. I was then moved to a mental hospital and every time they would release me I was taken back. I hated it there.

28th of December 1980

I was hit by a car. The car was yellow- I think? I don't remember much but I'll try my best. Getting hit wasn't too bad, I was walking, and then I was on the ground. Everything was so blurry the people in blue shirts started pushing on my chest they wedged a tube down my throat a prick in my wrist everything started moving fast it stopped then fast again then everything went black. The black was a void, I felt like I was floating, drifting almost. What I do remember is a dream I had.

A light flickered in the darkness it got bigger, and I started to make out details it had the body of a woman only that it was an outline that was a glowing yellow its hair flowed I could imagine that it would go down to its ankles. Its eyes were white and yet so colourful at the same time. Before I could move away I was scooped up by it seeing its features more closely its chest close to my stomach made me feel warm. I could see that it had an almost galaxy-like inside. I was mesmerized by it. Its hand lifted gently touching my forehead. I turned my head with its hand guiding me. In the distance a bird flew quickly towards us, I screamed, but nothing would come out.

4th of February 1984

A bright light hit my eyes I squinted trying to see a sudden pain struck my body the many tubes and wires stuck to me, I tried to get up, but I couldn't move there were so many sounds they made my head hurt. A man came into my view, I tried speaking, but only a gurgle came out. I locked on to this man's eyes, hoping he would realise I was there. ''We don't have much of a choice here. Mrs Ladoth doesn't have any other family.'' That's me, they knew I was here, so why won't they acknowledge me? ''I understand it's been six months, but we could keep her on until we do another scan.'' Six months is a long time. What have I been doing for six months? ''Dr. J, I feel we need to address the fact that she does not have the money for this.'' I can see the face of the doctor she held my hand, and yet they still can't see me. I spoke once again, and this time I was able to get a murmur out. The doctor's eyes lit up, she came closer to my face. ''I heard her! She is awake for sure. OH! Her eyes are in motion as well!'' I was finally able to grab their attention, I spoke more but found it difficult. ''Let's take that tube out. Go grab a nurse.'' 

The feeling of a tube taken out felt like someone tickling the inside of my throat and when it came out of my throat I felt nauseous and threw up, the nurse was there with a bucket luckily. I coughed, and my eyes watered up. My body felt numb, I wasn't scared, more like weak and tired. The nurses came and went, they felt like a blur asking me questions that felt foggy they moved me turned on the, and TV then left. Everything only slowed down when Dr J entered, I learned later on that her name was Dr Johnson. She asked me a question that made that fog lift, I could hear it. ''What are you thinking of right now?'' my eyes flickered as I looked at her, this question took me off guard, and I was surprised. She chuckled holding my hand like she did before her thumb rubbed my palm, I felt calm and smiled. ''Nothing just lu.'' My answer took me by surprise. ''What is lu?'' she asked, her face told me she was confused. ''Um... I'm not sure.'' I looked down trying to think about what I was trying to say, and she thought for a second about what to say. ''Talking is quite a challenge, isn't it? You know we have all gone through it as baby's learning to talk. You are very quick at learning but it's good to give ourselves a moment.'' 

I nodded. "You."