TO FALL IN LOVE ♡ silver

TO FALL IN LOVE

there was always a part of you that made you think love, romantic love, wasn't real, at least not for you. you believed that you couldn't possibly love someone in the way all your friends were falling in love. it's not like you wanted to fall in love, anyways. you were quite fine as you were, making friends and platonically loving all of them.

you remember listening to your friends' rant about their relationships, trying to understand the way they explained the moment when they noticed their feelings. you found the very topic odd, listening because you cared for them, but having no real interest in the topic at all. somehow, it always switched to the topic of how you still had yet to be in a relationship, and you always shrugged nonchalantly, and said you had never felt the pull towards anyone. it was true, you had never held feelings of romance towards anyone; not even a simple school crush like your friends have talked.

you always had to come up with some excuse or find a way to change the subject when you were a kid. now, it was easier to mention how you never felt a sort of romance toward anyone; your friends were a lot more accepting, reassuring you that they understood.

some of your friends ━ mainly one, related to you. he too, had never felt romance towards another person. you guys bonded over that, growing closer than you were with your other friends. it took you a long time, but you noticed the differences in the way you acted towards him, and the rest of your friends.

it didn't come to you in a dream. it didn't come to you in the feelings of what many had explained as butterflies in their stomach. and it didn't come to you in a flushed face and stuttered words.

it was simple, really. on a date important to people in relationships, a day spent giving chocolates to the ones you loved. a day in which you jokingly asked him to be your other half for the day. and when he accepted with noticeably pink cheeks and a soft smile, it caused you to pause and quickly pull out your phone. you remember speaking to a few friends, those who you were close to and understood you, almost, as much as he did. they helped you slowly come to terms with the fact that, yes, you were romantically attracted to him, and that it was okay to feel a little scared at the sudden realization that you could feel what everyone else can; if maybe a little differently.

it was terrifying, really, suddenly realizing that you had been harboring feelings for him. and you weren't even sure for how long. and it was just as terrifying when your friends urged you to tell him. and it was even more terrifying when you agreed. why'd you agree?

perhaps it was all your fault; you rushed too quickly to tell him about the sudden feelings you only just realized. feelings you were still questioning and trying to come to terms with. perhaps it was your fault, for how overbearing you were; you realized during your time with him, that your love was a suffocating love. perhaps it was your fault, for how hard you found it difficult to openly love someone, fearing that you would make a mistake; that you would turn out like some people in your life you'd rather not talk about.

you weren't ready to love someone, that much was obvious. and so, it must've been your fault.