MEMORIES, OUCH!

ZERO G

No girlfriend, no problem. I'm single and obviously not searching and I guess this memoire is going to continue as long as I don't think about loving. Well, as I always say, probably my first time saying this: A day with a heartbreak teaches a lesson of a year and a tear, sorry, the tears I shed portrayed each and every P-A-I-N every time I wanted to beat the heart with an inhale and exhale. The heart isn't broken though, it just can't do the extraordinary like it used to. This is going to be a manual on how not to love again and also how to keep the ones I love already so when I come back from space, there'd be someone to love again and someone to put the orbit on her hand. Space? Hell, that's where I am now. I still pity gravity though, no falling in love out here. Out here, I will be having date with my thoughts and my feelings too. That guy has been causing me vast problems. I should have written this with blood ink because I have bled enough to finish this thing I'm putting down. It was my fault at some instance. I was such a groke for love until there was none in the plate. There were just a couple of stars in the sky to count and I knew I messed up. Honestly, I really wanted to use the f wordJ. 'Hey! The lover boy is here' and I could feel my heartbeat in my head. Trust me, I'm no stranger to love. I'm who they call the love expert. I know the rules, but I guess I was more of a lecturer rather than a trainer. I couldn't practice my own theories and anytime I tried to, a star disappeared from the sky. Sometimes I stopped counting but the next morning I see them in this girl's eyes. The next day I see another in a different girl's eyes and that was the routine that looped till there were just three stars left. Two actually, the other one was Jupiter as far as I could recall. I didn't want to lose the last two. Maybe they might reproduce again if only that's how it works. There was no way I could do that if I let gravity do its thing on me. It was time for me to go zero G. Live my life like I was in space with no gravity. I just had to give up on love. It wasn't working out for me. Luck hated me and fate wanted me nowhere near him. Love? Although I was his best student, he still didn't want to hear my voice. Wait, love is a she. Boys are never in charge of love. No matter how much you manned up, you'd still fall for that cute smile of the girl who's been staring at you like her lost lip gloss. Forget the fact that you might say that it won't work because you're armed to the teeth because even those glittering teeth doing the smiles will definitely bite through. Manning up won't work. That's not a survivor's move. In this case, you just have to give in and let nature do it its thing but I guess my name wasn't even written in nature's novel. Love, love, love. First love? Well that was quite interesting you know. I grew up to know that was my first love but back then I thought she was my favorite playmate. How I used to disturb her, waking her up whenever she as asleep. I remember when they used to call her for me whenever I was crying and all the tears would dry up. We were both in the same class growing up. We were both class prefects and we were both sitting on the same desk. Heads on the table and then you'll hear this girl and me talking about something. There was always something to talk about. We were the best pair. The only fights we had was when I intentionally took her food. Anyways that was the excuse mom was always using for me, intentionally. I was a groke by then. To cut things short with the first love thing, we lost the connection we had when I had the accident and had to change my school. That is still the most sorrowful part of my life. My one time of being a flower boy was destroyed just because of a motor rider and what even hurts me the most was the fact that I lost my first love too (just kidding). So funny how I was lured to stop crying with a chocolate. So I moved to a new school and as usual, started my shy things again. But hey, I fell in love again. She was my sitting partner then, fair, very fair and very very fair. Let's just forget that one, it makes me cry whenever I try to narrate the story. How I used to hold her hand when she was at the gate of her little brother's class waiting for him. How we used to learn together, even under our desks whenever we were asked to put our heads down. She made me go on a long love break when she left. I couldn't think of anyone but her whenever I heard the word 'love'. I got over her anyways. I wouldn't waste time talking about love when I don't want it in my life for now. The more you mention her name, the name she gets to you, interesting love. What is love? I keep asking myself that question. Victor Hugo says 'life is like a flower when love is the honey' but I don't think I've ever tasted a bitter honey before or any honey that hurts, have you? Probably when it's boiled up, it can hurt your tongue. Even Aristotle spoke about love. They never taught us the complete way to take the pain out of it. I guess I can't stay here all of my years.