A permanent smile (dadzawa)

10: Purple

Mic sat across me, his hair in a messy bun as he tried to get his paperwork done. Myself, I was doodling flowers.

"You really like flowers, huh," Mic said as he looked up to see how I was doing.
I simply nodded, trying to get more ink out of the dying purple marker.

"Why don't you grab a different colour?" Mic said, handing me a blue marker. I looked at it blankly.

Why don't I?

Glancing at the paper, it took me a moment to properly remember.
"Momma used to like purple flowers."

Mic put down the blue marker with a hesitant smile, "Alright then, how about it I go look for more markers."

...

As Marcus lay on the floor, he felt like he had failed.
He reminded himself, of course, that he wasn't dead yet, that it wasn't over yet.
Trying to get the bounds lose did nothing though, and the door would be locked if he would try to open it.

Suddenly light fell trough the door as it opened.
Much to his surprise, she stood there, her blank eyes somehow giving away her shock.

"Don't die," his sister said as she walked up to him. Crouching down, she went to unity his hands only to flinch when the door closed with a slam.

"Like I said," someone said with amusement outside the door, "Those we know to much and want to quit, they die!"

Laughter sounded as the girl continued to untie Marcus, "I'll get us out of here.
"I'll kill them."

Marcus frowned, "You'll kill them?"
The girl was surprised at his tone. The disapproval.

"What else should we do?" the girl asked, finally succeeding at untying Marcus and helping him up to a sitting position.

Marcus smiled his special smile, "You shouldn't draw with only one colour."

...

I shook my head.
"I shouldn't only use one colour."

Mic paused with getting up, "Alright..." handing me some other markers, he tilted his head when I hesitated with drawing.

"What do I draw?" I asked him.

"You're not going to draw flowers?"

I pressed my lips together, "Flowers should be purple."

"To big of a step, I see," Mic realised before turning back to his own work.

.

When Aizawa came home he was surprised to see us sitting at the kitchen table. Shinso had simply ignored us, dropping himself on the sofa and falling asleep.

"Mic... did you skip all day?"

I was the one to speak up first. Clutching the paper, I showed it to Aizawa, "Do you like my drawings?"

Looking at the rainbow, Aizawa tried to hide his smile, "It's great, kid." Then he turned to Mic with a glare, "Let's have a talk."

"The switch in tones is amusing," Hitoshi said from the couch.

.

While me and Hitoshi made dinner while Mic and Aizawa were arguing in pretentious hushed voices, Hitoshi thought it a good idea to bring up what happened in class that day.

"Why did you leave class?" Hitoshi asked.

I frowned, the knife in my hand pausing. Thoughts crossed my mind before one thought shouted at me.
I pulled up my sleeve as a result, dropping the knife so I could be faster.
"I felt something," I said breathlessly, "I shouldn't— wait, no—" clenching the knife I desperately put the knife to my skin, only to have a panicked Hitoshi pull the knife away from me.

"Don't do that!" He called out, putting the knife away before grabbing a towel to stop the bleeding coming from the small cut I created.

"But..." I frowned, "I shouldn't feel nothing... he told me to smile..."

Hitoshi paused with cleaning up my arm and gave me a stern look, "It's alright to feel nothing, your emotions shouldn't be someone else's business."

"But he told me," I insisted, "And I—

...

Marcus looked around the corner as the girl out away the pickpockets.
"We won't have to kill them," Marcus said, "We've just got to get out."

As the girl nodded, she was just in time to see how with the sound of a gun. Her hands paused on their way to clench her ears as the girl watched Marcus fall on the ground, his body going limp.

Standing there, staring, the girl felt empty.

"I've got her!" A voice sounded. Before she knew it, the girl found herself getting thrown back in the room.

The door closed, the sound of the gunshot still lingering in the girl's ears. She sat on the floor, unable to make sense of it.
She didn't even notice the tears until she screamed out in anguish.

When the girl finally calmed down, she once more felt empty, though anger was evident as she spoke, "I'll kill them."

...

Reality seemed to return like a brick falling to pieces once it finally hit the ground.
"There you are," Mic said once I sat up on the couch.

I put my foot on the ground, barely missing Aizawa who was lying asleep in his sleeping bag on the ground.

Mic walked up to me, stepping over Aizawa, and handed me a glass of water, "I know it's hard, but, can you tell me what keeps causing the attacks?"

I took the glass of water, my brain puzzling with the words, "What attack?"

"Panic attacks?" Mic tried to explain them before he sat down, "What do you think causes it?"

I opened my mouth to explain, only to nearly drop the water as my arm suddenly flinched.
Putting down the glass I took a breath, then stared down at my knees, and then I looked up at the ceiling, only to give up and shrug.

"It's okay," Mic said, though his tone suggested he knew I was simply hiding the answer from him, "You can tell me when you're ready."
Mic got up, but then he seemed to get an idea, "As well, you don't have to smile, until you're ready."

I frowned, "But..."
My breathing got restless before I got up and walked out faster than Mic could follow.
Finding the guest room, I locked myself inside. I wanted to leave, but I didn't want to be away from the Aizawa family. I just wanted to rest. Putting my back against the door, I slid down in a sitting position.
Everything was so complicated, why?

With my eyes closed, I appreciated the silence for a moment.
'When you're ready.' Mic had said just before, right?

Looking up at the bed I got up. I might not have been ready to figure myself out, but I was ready to take a nap.