i want to breathe, for one second more - kazuscara (原神)

chapter 15 - morning dew magnification

As a warning, this whole chapter is going to be about romantic pairing!! 🔺

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Scaramouche woke as he would wake on any other day.

It was just that this time, he felt a small spark of motivation greet him as it wrapped around him like a warm blanket. He couldn't help but experience confusion and curiosity regarding where it came from. The feeling was a breeze on an autumn's day, fleeting yet sweet–

Ah.

He knew where it originated now.

Closing his eyes and rolling the other way on the mattress, Scaramouche tried to focus on the blurry memory forming in his mind. It started with a small smile, then with his fingers tangled in someone else's soft hair and ended just as fast with a hushed conversation.

So strange, he thought to himself, trying to erase the images from his mind. That... person is so strange. I don't know what to think about him anymore, but I want him to feel happy.

That went against most of the rules in the organisation, Scaramouche knew. If anyone were to find out, he would find himself in deep water with his colleagues and the Tsaritsa herself. This type of thinking was prohibited in the Fatui, as it created an easy weakness to spot that could be exploited by enemy forces that wanted insider information. Many, including Scaramouche, would give up the company's secrets to protect their "loved ones" and therefore, it was an absolute risk to Fatui welfare if one of them were to ever find a "loved one".

But even so, it wasn't as if they had a way of controlling what he thought.

Scaramouche nodded in approval of his newly crafted conclusion to no one in particular. Yes, it wasn't as if he had a choice of whether he could love someone or not. Feeling compassion for someone isn't a planned out, methodical technique to master, unlike many of the tasks he was trained to do when he was still a low level member of the Fatui. It was simply a feeling that came with forming connections with other people... or at least, that's what Scaramouche thought. He didn't know– nor would he be able to learn– about human relationships anyway.

Pulling himself to his feet, Scaramouche grabbed his belongings and left the residence.

The walk to their meeting spot underneath the Grand Narukami Shrine was the same as ever. Mostly. His eyes widened as he noticed the bare branches of the trees surrounding the road.

They were completely stripped of the lovely vermillion leaves, which reminded him so much of a familiar someone's eyes. Scaramouche heard a soft crunching noise beneath his feet to find one singular autumn leaf on the ground. The rest of them had been swept up by the wind, coming to a rest beside a large rock next to the path.

He picked it up and slipped it into his pocket.

But before Scaramouche knew it, he'd arrived. Unaware of the time and date, he nervously peered into the crack between the wooden boards secured over the main entrance and... sure enough, Kazuha was standing there, just like how he had all the many other times they met up.

A pattern was emerging, though. Something was different. Scaramouche turned around and walked to the opening he'd gone through at least 100 times by now.

"Good morning," Kazuha greeted him, as cheerful as always. "How are you today? I was... really enthusiastic about the thought of seeing you again!"

Scaramouche hesitated. "I'm fine," he responded. "Thank you. I was feeling the same, I think... It happened as I was walking here... it's an unusual feeling. Uhm– But I'm acting weirdly too. So please ignore my behaviour for the time being to avoid future embarrassment."