smile ; ch

forty three

calum

it's 6:02PM by the time we finish at the studio, evie's been sleeping on the couch next to luke. both resting their heads against one another, dozing off while ashton and michael finish their final takes, me in with them for encouragement.

i decided to add in some back vocals, quite last minute, but the producers and feldy were happy to. i am so exhausted, in desperate need of a high and to feel awake.

evie stirs when i wake her, groaning and leaning more into luke. we all chuckle, including luke, who's half awake now too.
"come on, eves." i say, trying to lift her head from luke's shoulder now.
"let me sleep." she mutters, whining and sticking her lips out more. god, the urge to kiss her.
"we're finished up here, the albums finished."
"good work." she folds her arms, eyes still closed.

luke stands up, cruelly, leaving her to begin to flop the now empty space. we all chuckle, but i scoop her into my arms and she nestles in.

"back to her place, hey calum?" feldy raises his eyebrows.
"technically, the new contract hasn't been set in." i tease, wanting to have her with me.
"he got you there, johnny boy. technicalities." michael winks, having my back.
"alright, alright, but, content!" feldy chuckles, pointing a finger at me.
"what am i meant to do with her while she sleeps?" i frown, "she can't exactly smile in her sleep."
"she's always smiling. i don't believe you." feldy says.
"mate, look at her." i lift one shoulder, showing feldy her face, "she's passed out."
"well, you smile then. you lot look cute anyway." feldy teases me, getting his phone out.
"come on, man, she's asleep." ashton says.
"she's beautiful." i say, looking down at her and smiling slightly, her lips pressed into my shoulder.
"she is." michael says, but in an older brother kind of way.

all the boys nod in agreement, and i wonder if she knows how loved she is by us all.

i sit back on the couch, even though evie is light, i know we might be here for a bit longer now.
"cal, look down at her, even better, be asleep as well."

i hate the fakeness, i hate pretending, but i look down at evie. she looks so peaceful, mouth open slightly. i know she must be so tired to be able to sleep now, or even better, comfortable enough. i scoop her tighter to me, finding a comfortable position in the couch and leaning my head back, trying to make this look as authentic and natural as possible.

"loosen your grip a bit." luke encourages, and i do. evie's curled into my neck anyway, she doesn't budge.
"alright, hold it...3...2...1!" i hear the camera shutters, "perfect." feldy says.

"we done now?" i ask him, lifting my head and opening my eyes.
"someone else post this." feldy laughs, sending the photo to our band group chat.
"i will." ashton says, "it's actually a really nice photo."
"maybe if it was real." i scoff.

i stand back up, bringing evie with me.

/

evie wakes with a deep breath, i've been sitting at the window smoking and fighting the urge to call my dealer. i don't know why i want to use so badly again, it could be the stress of the contract, the album dropping in a month, the tour being prepared, my band hating me. well, they don't really. kind of. they'd hate me more if i used, and so would evie, that's the biggest motivation not to do it.
even if it feels like my skin is crawling with desire, every hair on my body stands up when i think about the peace it brings me. the calmness. like nothing in the whole world is wrong, like putting my john lennon record on and sitting on the carpeted floor with nothing to do.
peace.

"what time is it?" evie interrupts my thoughts.
"two." i tell her, putting my cigarette out.
"in the morning."
"probably too dark to be daylight."