Lilies and Narcissuses - a Drarry fanfiction

Letters

This chapter mentions past self harm, and scars (please let me know if I missed any)

Draco's POV

Sometimes I don't understand myself. Well... most of the time I don't understand myself. Nobody needs to know that though. But I mean, who fully understands themselves? Potter probably, he's so put together, yet all over the place. He really is an idiot.

I regret many things, I have kept many secrets, most of which should not have been kept to myself, but that just so happened to be the way things played out. Well, two people knew of my secret, but they were there and even though they don't know all the details, I trusted them to keep it a secret.

It stayed a secret for a while, that I am... was... a death eater. I had no choice, but I played it out as if it was mine to make. Nobody can know the truth.

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I lied in my bed and stared at the ceiling. I have nothing to do, I am bored, but I refuse to leave my room unless it's mealtime.

It's only been about five months after the war, but it's hard living here, where.... he stayed. I cannot go into rooms without having horrible flashbacks. I hate staying here, but mother stays and I cannot leave her, no matter how much I hate it.

I looked down at my left arm. It was littered in scars, mostly fading, but one was the most prominent. It was a disfigured outline of the mark. After the dark lord was killed, the mark burned away. In the process it disfigured and all that's left is a rough outline. I will forever be reminded of who I am through this scar.

I traced over the other scars. My forearm was rough, some scars raised more than others. Getting the mark put me in a dark place, both physically and mentally. I wanted to get rid of it so badly, so I tried, it didn't work. I have a reminder that I survived.

I turned onto my side and closed my eyes. Flashes of green and red plagued my mind, I could see the vibrant colors on the back of my eyelids. They were beautiful, yet terrifying, another reminder that will forever plague my mind.

I turned onto my back again, unable to sleep. This has been happening a lot, not being able to sleep. But when I do end up being able to fall asleep, I am woken by night terrors. Nothing I have tried helps, but I don't think being in the manor helps either.

I decided to get up for a glass of water. It might help, though I doubt it will. I slowly yet quietly left my room and went down to the kitchen. Making sure to avoid most rooms. I grabbed a glass and filled it with cold water from the tap. I downed the glass in a few large gulps. I filled the glass again, halfway this time.

I wiped my eyes hoping it would make me even more tired than I already am. Blinking slowly I looked around, the marble countertops. There is documentative parchment scattered about, which is strange. I put the glass down to take a closer look at them.

Most of the parchment documents are from my father's trial. I rolled my eyes. Such important documents laying around like they don't mean anything. Well technically they were just words written about, but still they had to have at least some importance to my mother.

Well, they don't have any significance with me at this moment in time. Why should I care what mother does with them. I took another short glance at them. A familiar red wax seal caught my eye. I immediately picked it up, knowing it was from Hogwarts.

I flipped the envelope, it read:

Mr. D Malfoy

Malfoy Manor