Better if you're with me

Chapter 4: "Devastation"

CHAPTER 4: “Devastation”

Time passes, Chuuya’s disease still wasn’t cured, or maybe, no cure at all. Dazai on the other hand, was hopeful, hoping Chuuya wouldn’t disappoint him. Dazai who was holding onto Chuuya’s promise, by not leaving him. Chuuya tried his best to be cured, with painkillers and sleeping pills that could somehow help him with his struggles through the night. “Do you think, Chuuya would recover?” Akutagawa said, Chuuya’s colleague, Dazai’s friend. Dazai nods his head in respond, “Ofcourse he will, he promised he will recover soon.” Akutagawa, who sighs in frustration as he tries to believe what Dazai had just said, “Okay, I know he wants to recover.” Dazai just simply nodded, his mind were full of thoughts about Chuuya. “Hey Dazai, wanna come with us?” Odasaku, Dazai’s other friend asked. “Sure.. I’m free today anyways.” As he stood up and walks behind Odasaku. “Is Chuuya fine now?” Odasaku patiently asked. “Kinda..” it was the only answer Dazai could give now. “What kind of response is that..” as Odasaku laughs.. “You should say, he is. Chuuya is alright. We kinda need to be a bit delusional alright?” Dazai smiled as he looked at Odasaku who was still giggling. “Right.”. Odasaku thought of it as he stopped giggling himself. “The fact that, I might die first..” Dazai got caught off on what Odasaku just said. “Hey stop saying that, you won’t die okay?” Odasaku pats Dazai’s shoulder, “It’s true, you already know why.” Dazai looked down seems disappointed, “But.. do you have more time? Please?” Odasaku laughs and seems to accept what will happen to him. “Just now, just this damn time left for me.” Dazai couldn’t help but tear up in front of his friend, “No no.. please? Odasaku–“ Dazai sobs while hugging his friend tightly, “It’s alright, I will be alright. Don’t think about it too much..” Odasaku rubbed the back of Dazai while he continued to sob. “I will miss you.. don’t forget that..” Dazai looked up at his friend who was smiled softly at him. Dazai likes the sight of his friend being glad and being acceptable to what life had given to him. “Let’s go and do not waste time, shall we?” Odasaku looked at Dazai who was wiping his tears off.. “You’re right..”

The news came, it became rumours and the topic upon whisperings, Dazai who was sitting quietly on his desk, crying silently under the silk of his clothes. He hides his face to the students whispering about the news, Odasaku passed away. Chuuya couldn’t help but feel shocked to what had happened to their friend. Akutagawa who had his hand covering his lips, still in shock. Chuuya approached Dazai and sits beside him. “Hey it’s alright.” Chuuya comforts him in any possible way. “Chuuya.. I can’t.. I can’t do this anymore..” Chuuya felt bad seeing him like this. Chuuya’s thoughts were filled by sadness as he thought, as he expected, Dazai would do the same when he’s gone. Chuuya sighs “Don’t cry please..”. Dazai looked up at Chuuya, “Do you think, I couldn’t cry? I’m afraid now Chuuya, I’m afraid that I will lose you next.. I already lose Odasaku so please, not you? I don’t want to lose you..” Dazai cried, begged for Chuuya to stay with him as always, as anytime as he wants. “Calm down. You will not lose me okay? I promise..” Chuuya sighs while rubbing Dazai’s back. Dazai calmed a bit.. “I’ll miss Odasaku..” Chuuya looked at the ceiling. “Me too..”